I hate hearing stuff like this. The fact that your son accidentally saw it horrifies me. I am so sorry. Kick her out is my gut instinct to tell you. If she did it before and did it again, she apparently doesn't give a crap about your feelings and that can only hurt your child as he sees you hurt. I don't think I could co-parent with someone like that under the same roof. Ugh. Makes me sick.

First off Im sorry that ur going through this crap, There is nothing in this world that could be worse than going through this kind of torment. I would have to agree with Enca, it dont sound to me like she has any remorse or guilt about what she has done, if she did she wouldnt have that crap on her phone. Kick her ass to the curb and make her realize she screwed up. Living under the same roof with someone like that is going to be more hell on you than its worth.

Yes I'm painfully aware that I need to leave. Unfortunatly she also bankrupt us to the point I couldn't leave if I tried. Also fairly certain that WWIII would start over the kids. Couldn't even afford a hotel room so a lawyer is out of the question. Despite her struggle with fidelity she is actually a good Mother. My kids are unaware of our problems. The little guy would have seen nothing had I not been digging. Just gotta try harder to keep "the blinders" on and save my pennies.

Careful of those blinders. They often lead us to accept unacceptable situations.

I certainly understand the financial constraints(please forgive spelling, my emotions type faster than my brain can spell). So many people are quick to tell a person to get out or kick them out....they forget about a place to live that is safe and safe for the kids....and it is so wrong the way the "court" system "helps" kids, it doesn't help them at all.....my kids, and my H kids were destroyed by the way the court handled things in our divorces from spouses that did not want to be married to us any more, we were left to pick up the pieces....and I stupidly thought that was some kind of protection for me, that my now, spouse, became a CS, in the worst affair of his life, yes he had others in his past, but I truely believe they were in his past and would NEVER affect me, I was wrong....I wish I had some steller advice, but I don't, I just wanted you to know that there are so many of us in this place, this hell of broken lives....I hear you, best of luck to you...

accepting unacceptable situations---well put, Allora. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. Now, 10 years later I am trying to right that wrong and fix my marriage.
Since she has bankrupted you, she is using you for a place to live and as someone to look after the kids while she has her fun. If this is the kind of relationship she has with the OM, one of sending obscene pics and texts, then kick her ass out of the house and let her live out her sexual fantasy. She will learn very soon that there is a lot more to life than that.
I know that it sounds easy to say, but there is nothing easy about it. It is easoier to ignore it----for the moment. In the long run it will kill you. Be true to yourself and lay the blame where it belongs!