Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am here just to vent...
My stay-at-home wife had comitted infidelity, lied to me several times. I am ready to divorce...but my 5 yr old princess is very clingy to her mom. I am not proposing to take the kids away from her...I understand the kids still need their mom, so I am proposing I have private time with my kids for 3 nites in a week, while she can still come back to tuck them in bed at nite on my days. She is not leaving and hence, my kids escpecially my princess always prefer her mom more than me (while she enjoys playing with me). I have to work to support the family, I am still paying for every single thing in the household, including my wife's professional licence and training course fee. Of course, my bonding with the kids is not as strong as hers. I feel like I am the biggest loser and sucker, she agreed to take a wedding ring from the OM, twice, and had done some ridiculous things, and yet, it seems like I, the victim, has to suck up to the whole situation. If I proceed with divorce, the kids are going to hate me.
As for my wife, she is trying to please me, she is seeing MC. But I still find things fishy. She has marked on her calender on her smartphone a day in 2027 when she had promised to re-connect with the OM (this is from an email I intercepted before). She has marked on her calender her birthday. One day, it appeared she might have got in his car (I was standing too far). She deleted her skype apps on her phone but has been accessing her skype account thru internet. My gut feeling is telling me she is not letting go of the OM, she acknowledges I am the victim and she does not want a divorce so the family is intact and she does not have to face all the criticisms.
How can I move forward if she is still thinking of him? It seems to me: yes legally I am her husband, but the OM is her actual lover...in her fantansy
My stay-at-home wife had comitted infidelity, lied to me several times. I am ready to divorce...but my 5 yr old princess is very clingy to her mom. I am not proposing to take the kids away from her...I understand the kids still need their mom, so I am proposing I have private time with my kids for 3 nites in a week, while she can still come back to tuck them in bed at nite on my days. She is not leaving and hence, my kids escpecially my princess always prefer her mom more than me (while she enjoys playing with me). I have to work to support the family, I am still paying for every single thing in the household, including my wife's professional licence and training course fee. Of course, my bonding with the kids is not as strong as hers. I feel like I am the biggest loser and sucker, she agreed to take a wedding ring from the OM, twice, and had done some ridiculous things, and yet, it seems like I, the victim, has to suck up to the whole situation. If I proceed with divorce, the kids are going to hate me.
As for my wife, she is trying to please me, she is seeing MC. But I still find things fishy. She has marked on her calender on her smartphone a day in 2027 when she had promised to re-connect with the OM (this is from an email I intercepted before). She has marked on her calender her birthday. One day, it appeared she might have got in his car (I was standing too far). She deleted her skype apps on her phone but has been accessing her skype account thru internet. My gut feeling is telling me she is not letting go of the OM, she acknowledges I am the victim and she does not want a divorce so the family is intact and she does not have to face all the criticisms.
How can I move forward if she is still thinking of him? It seems to me: yes legally I am her husband, but the OM is her actual lover...in her fantansy
My daughter has always preferred me, so when she was little my H would take her out on "dates" on Saturday morning and it because a special time for them (and for me because I could sleep late). Maybe you could start with one special time a week and work up from there. Once she's a little older she'll be all about daddy.
Sorry, I could not share my partner's heart with anyone. That's my bottom line.
Sending you support, L~
It may be your wife needs a time of grieving to let go of her affair completely - BUT - even if you can tolerate her depression and sadness and even resentment at having to let go of OM, if she is having ANY contact with him, she's not letting go. She, too, realizes that splitting up will effect the kids and likely doesn't want them to hate HER, so that's motivation for her to try to stay... But.
I dunno. It's not enough. It's just not. Both of you have to both be in your marriage 100% to make things worse.
Think what you are teaching your children if you stay just to try to protect them from change? You will teach your princess that it is ok to lie to the man she loves, keep secrets, or worse, to marry out of convenience and step out of that promise as she pleases for anything she decides might be "love". Or - to accept that type of relationship from her own husband.
We teach our kids what "normal" looks like... And if "normal" is based on lies... *shrug*
I truly hope your wife is able to recommit fully to you and your marriage, and not just to the facade of a "whole" family.
We adjusted. We managed. And the kids (as they are wont to do) thrived because of the change, not in spite of it.
L~
I hope she decides to accept her A is over and cuts off all contact. This discovery of her 2027 meet again, date should be addressed in therapy.
Stay strong and work on yourself and being a dad.
She is still little and if you both out aside anger and resentment you can successfully parent her as a team even when you are divorced.
If your wife had time for an affair, she is obviously not busy enough at home.
You need time with your daughter and she needs to get off her butt and start working, so you don't have to work as much as you do.
This is bullshit !!!
You are assuming a lot...you are assuming the kids will hate you if you divorce but had you considered what they will think if you stay with someone who took a ring not once, but TWICE from another man?
My mom,,,retired now with a Master's Degree...was a SAHM untik I got into school full time. My Dad has always worked. Always. Looking back, I don't sit there saying, "Damn you Dad for working and supporting us while Mom stayed home"...I can look back and know that they knew and know how to work together as a united front, for the betterment of the family.
If either of my parents had cheated, I would've immediately lost respect for the cheating parent.
Why would you put yourself through 14 more years of this???