Has your W cheated multiple times?
How did you find out about the A?
Is she being completely kind and understanding to you now, or does she blame you for any part of the A?

These answers might be a clue as to if you can trust her again or how long it might take.

BTW, 6 months is not a long time...

I'm in month 3 and am the same way. never know what's going to trigger the depression. It sucks I have a friend who was cheated on 23yrs. ago and he told me he still go's thru the depression once in a while. Good luck brother. I hope it eases up for you soon .

I have been cheated on and I can say that it does get better after a while. Trust does return but it takes a lot of time. Problem for me was that it happened again after several years. I trusted again and got blindsided again. I completely lost hope that a cheater can truly change. I know that is not very encouraging. It's just my truth.

How do you get the trust back? It's been 8 months and I still struggle every day. My H wants me to put a time limit on when I will "get over" what he did, even though our counselor told him that wasn't his right. I thought I was doing fine for a while and then it all came back, as if it had just happened again.

My story is a bit different than most. Apparently, my H was already actively involved prior to our getting married. 2 days after we got married, the OW, "flipped out" and insisted he ask me for an annulment, which sadly he did, exactly 7 days from the day we married. They continued on for several weeks and during that time, I did not know that was why he had changed his mind. My whole world had fallen apart while they were planning a life together and going on as if I didn't exist. I didn't know why until later when I found out and then it took almost 2 months before I knew everything. I know, I still don't know it all but I am trying so hard to move past this.

What we shared prior to the A, is worth fighting for but this has changed things. The lack of trust is all consuming. It takes over all aspects of your marriage and I want to get it back. I know a time limit can't be put on it but, after 8 months, I feel exactly where I was a few months ago. I thought I had made progress and then all of a sudden, I took 5 miles backwards.

Sometimes I do struggle, wondering if this is worth all this. After what he did, does he deserve al I have to give. This is definitely not an easy process.

@ Ahalia: He wants a time limit? Like, "in a year, I will be completely over this and never think about it again." Tell him that will happen as soon as he gets his time machine working, goes back and undoes what he has done. Then, you're all square.

Everyone is different. If she's doing everything you need from her, and understanding when you have triggers and setbacks, I would assume that it would help with the healing. For me, the initial shock and emotional roller coaster lasted at least a year before I was able to start coming to terms with it...but, my wife wasn't helping (continued her affair) and it ultimately ended our marriage. I feel much better now (3 years since d-day) but still have a ways to go. I don't know how it would have gone had she tried, but I don't dwell on it anymore.

Even though I was duped again....I previously gained trust by the simplest of actions. I made a choice to trust. I had a few months of open frank discussions. Asked every question I could ever want to know the answer to. I said my peace, I set my ground rules and then I made the decision to trust. I looked at my life and broke everything down to its simplest form. I kept my decisions about our married life simple. No discussion about what ifs. No discussions about divorce or separation. If your in it, then you have to be in it all the way. After that the times I spent thinking about the affair became simply few and far between. I can't say that it's the best way because obviously my stbx cheated again. EA this time, but an affair none the less. I would like to think that if my stbx put as much investment into our marriage as I did, we would still be together today. Or maybe it was my ability to make the decision to trust again the way I did that made him think I was essentially a chump. Not sure, guess everyone is different. I wish everyone success in finding that happy common ground with the spouses that care enough to try.

@Ahalla not a good way to start your life together, IMHO I would run not walk to the nearest exit...
I couldn't imagine dealing with that for 27+ years always looking to make sure he's talking me the truth..

Ahalla

That's no start for a marriage at all. He was cheating from day 1, so if he cheats 5 years and 2 kids into the marriage, you'll go nowhere. If you never left when you had no ties, he basically has a licence to cheat from you.

You've shown him from the very beginning that cheating isn't a dealbreaker for you.


Good luck to you.

Reading your post, I felt like I wrote it. I just want to know is there ever going to be a day when I dont think about it. I found out about 2 months ago, and everyday since I have spent time thinking about it. After reading your post I can truly say, I know what u mean.

#4
You should get AWAY from a person that inflicts intense pain on you, then gives you a time limit to get over it

That is one sick selfish person that is incapable of change

My spouse exited the marriage as part of her affair so that is from where my perspective comes,

- didn't want to get better
- want to but knew it was not possible
- want to but can't, please God when?
Then for me it was
- f-it it will take as long as it takes. With now timeline as to when things should be ...
That let me free fall with less worry, hit bottom, stay there, then start to heal
Counseling and talking with a priest and a minister have helped

Hi, I'm in my 6th month also. I've read also that it can take about 2 years. Everyday is a struggle. Some days harder then others. We have not told our daughters because I don't want them to look at their father differently but I'm also very alone in this. No one knows what has happened. My problem is getting rid of the images and all the texts and phone calls and pictures that are in my head right now. I don't have any advise for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with your feelings. All the best to you and yours

Yep, for me I was a lot better after a year, and saw more dramatic improvements at 18 months and 2 years.