Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Our d-day was at the end of August. Since that time she has broken off the affair and dedicated herself to rebuilding our marriage.
We have been attending counseling and as far as these things go, we have been making good progress.
Immediately after I found out about the affair I asked her if they ever had unprotected sex. She said no, but I had her tested anyway and the results were negative.
About a week ago she discovered that she had acquired genital herpes from the SOB. She then admitted that they had unprotected sex on one occasion.
I'm pissed on multiple levels. If we stay married then I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Then there's the fact that she lied to me about the unprotected sex and endangered my health.
She was tested for HIV and that came back negative. I have had no symptoms yet for herpes, but I plan on getting tested.
Has anyone else had to deal with a cheating spouse that contracted herpes? Did you stay with the relationship?
As an aside, I have been reading up on genital herpes and I do understand that it is non-life threatening and is basically a skin condition that appears a few times a year or so. I don't want to offend any members that may have this disease. It's just that one of the reasons that I entered into a monogamous relationship was that I would never have to worry about STD's. Or so I thought ...
We have been attending counseling and as far as these things go, we have been making good progress.
Immediately after I found out about the affair I asked her if they ever had unprotected sex. She said no, but I had her tested anyway and the results were negative.
About a week ago she discovered that she had acquired genital herpes from the SOB. She then admitted that they had unprotected sex on one occasion.
I'm pissed on multiple levels. If we stay married then I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Then there's the fact that she lied to me about the unprotected sex and endangered my health.
She was tested for HIV and that came back negative. I have had no symptoms yet for herpes, but I plan on getting tested.
Has anyone else had to deal with a cheating spouse that contracted herpes? Did you stay with the relationship?
As an aside, I have been reading up on genital herpes and I do understand that it is non-life threatening and is basically a skin condition that appears a few times a year or so. I don't want to offend any members that may have this disease. It's just that one of the reasons that I entered into a monogamous relationship was that I would never have to worry about STD's. Or so I thought ...
The really shitty part is that she lied.
My WW claimed they always used condoms ..... but as you point out....it's probably a lie.
Keep up the counceling, and try to enjoy your holiday.
She claimed they never had intercourse. Naturally, I didn't believe her and had the kid tested when he was born.
Earlier this year, she revealed they only had sex, with a condom, twice. Yeah, right.
So.....now what am I supposed to believe? I got tested for everything, just to be sure.
Hear what I'm saying? Lying becomes pretty easy to these people when they get good at it.
Get tested. Now.
My stbx husband had affairs with 5 different people...and didn't use protection. FIVE!!!
He had sex with the fat girl who was working at the gas station by my house....she's a flipping TROLL. Multiple times.
He lied to me and said he used protection. I told him I was going to hunt the fat b*tch down, and if I found out he was lying, he's never live up. So what....he admits it! Thank you asshole for endangering my life!!
The point is, they don't CARE. They think of nobody but themselves. It's disgusting.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
She tested positive for HPV 16-18.
This is the strain that causes cervical cancer.
She had to get another test, and had precancerous cells on her cervix which needed to be surgically removed.
The thing with HPV is that it can lay dormant in someone for a long time, so I don't know if she caught it from the OM.
However, neither of us has been with anyone in more than a decade, so I tend to think that she got it from the OM. At the time, it really sucked. I was unable to support her through this because I had so much anger and resentment.
Well guess what. My STD test came back positive for herpes. Mind you, my H is the only man I have ever had intercourse with. I went to the doctor last week for my follow up appointment and learned more about the disease. Like you said, thankfully it is not life threatening and can be managed. But still, there is no sure fire way to keep from spreading it. Also like you, this was one of the reasons I never desired to stray from a monogamous relationship--the sexual playground can be a dangerous one. And now, if I ever do decide to get in another relationship, I have to disclose this to my partner. Honestly, it makes me feel like a kid on a playground, the one that the others teased for having 'Koodies.'
My H refuses to get himself tested. And at this time, I am positive that he has been sleeping with someone else. Not only that, but he refused to tell the OW about my test results. So in good conscience, I decided to. I know it may be immature, but I informed her by email, as I don't think I could've beared to talk about this to her face to face or on the phone. And in my letter, I didn't accuse her of giving it to him, only that she had clearly been exposed. For all I know, he could've had a previous affair that I don't know about, so there's a possibility that she wasn't the source. Since then, she has written me back, thanking me for having the guts to tell her about this and that she would soon get herself tested.
It's emotionally crushing. I haven't had an outbreak yet, but my doc said that's because it is still laying dormant in my body. But I fear that when I finally do start having outbreaks, they will be a painful reminder of this whole experience. I haven't known about this for very long, so I'm still in the early stages of trying to figure this all out. Just know that if you are faced with the same situation, you are not alone. And there is nothing you can do to reverse the damage that's been done. But you can move ahead. I know that there is so much good that I have learned from it all, and I hope that you will too.
The sad thing about Herpes is: once it is in your system, it may lie dormant, without outbreaks, but once contracted, the individual is always contagious.
In the past, they only stated that it was contagious during an outbreak, not true today. There's Herpes 1 and Herpes 2, the genital one. Both lie dormant in the central nervous system, both are contagious, and no outbreak is necessary to pass it on.
Also, when folks get older, they are more susceptible to getting shingles, which is a relative of herpes. And shingles can be very painful, and settle into the nerves,muscles, and skin. Some people have milder versions, and only once or twice, while others have more serious painful outbreaks which can last for months.
I just wish that married people would at least have considered their spouses before they act like dogs. It is just another example of total disrespect, and total disregard.
@ Jenn
I'm so sorry that it's "five", I thought it was three, and that was bad enough! Unbelievable....simply unbelievable how these subhumans act!!!! Shaking my head!
At this point I just don't know what I am going to do for sure. I do know that I love my wife and I do believe that she wants to stay married to me and to be faithful. I have 20 years invested in this marriage and two children still at home.
But how the fuck we are supposed to get over this, I don't have the first clue. I just don't like any of my options at this point.
Like everyone else, one day at a time ...