So sorry, Jason. My steering wheel has been my punching bag a few times, too.

Just because you don't hit anything physically doesn't mean it isn't "real anger." The anger bubbling up inside of you is very lethal, so keep allowing yourself to vent and acknowledge the importance of your feelings.

It's called pain shopping and I do it too. There is a really good article on The Betrayed Wives Club regarding pain shopping but for the life of me can't find it!

That's gonna be there for a long time and when I reach my peak my CS hears it. If he says anything contrite I say you have made me this way so deal with it. If you want this marriage to work then you will listen to it cuz you've made me feel this way. My days of pent up anger are done. It's the offending party's job to listen and God help the OW if I ever see her cuz I will make my point known and I really don't care who hears it. That's not my problem anymore!

Thank you for the responses. I am feeling a little better today.

OMG I do the same thing. I work really hard to try not to it but it is almost like an addiction. A few days ago I was cleaning and came across a mini photo album of my husband's sister's wedding that had pictures of the Thing that he cheated with. We were in the wedding together. UGGG :-< Initially, I was just going to throw away the album without looking in it but could not restrain from doing so. I looked at the photos and compared myself to her and just felt like shit, unworthy, and ugly all over again. As I am looking at the pictures I am justifying why he would choose her over me. UGGGG I was depressed for the rest of the day.

I like the term "pain shopping" because that is exactly what it is. To counter the urge to pain shop, I try to shop for laughter. I love to laugh and will surround myself around as much comedy as possible. Although, I still have my moments like I did the other day, I continue to surround myself around people and things that make me laugh. :-D

Repeat after me: "Benzodiazepines." Lorazepam, Xanax, Klonopin, and (my favorite!) good ol' "mamma's little helper," Valium.

Also, I recommend closing out of Facebook altogether. Everybody posting happy family photos, and asking about me and my family - not to mention all the wacky political crap and advertisements. It was just depressing the Hell out of me. It has been SUCH a relief and breath of fresh air to not be a part of that scene.

DS has become my Facebook alternative!

If you don't want to quit Facebook, block him from Facebook, that way you can't see his posts and he cannot see yours.

because you've been through a trauma. and stay or go, you still have to deal with the aftermath of the trauma. part of you may be looking for signs of reassurance that nothing is going on, or to see if maybe he's moved onto another woman so you could maybe breathe a sigh of relief, or maybe many things. it's normal to try to seek some security by checking and looking and obsessing. but unfortunately, just because you don't see evidence of them talking does not mean they have not found some covert way of communicating. they either will or they won't. you have to focus on your own healing, whether you stay or go you still have trauma to recover from and it takes time, it takes accepting the crazy thoughts as they come and dealing with them. i'd agree that blocking him on "Fakebook" or taking a time-out from it altogether would probably be helpful. and just know that all BS's, whether they attempt reconciliation or not (or try and fail) face these same thought processes. be gentle with yourself. take time out to be nice to yourself when the daunting thoughts set in. hit the gym, take a walk, talk to a trusted friend or better yet a counselor. married or not, the one person each of us has at the end of the day is ourself, we need to go easy on ourselves. big hugs.

I've never had FB, and then I consistently hear stories where I am glad I never have.

At some level, the obsession is healthy......systematic desensitization. If you keep putting your hand over the fire....it doesn't hurt as much.

You can get stuck in it though....and then it becomes unhealthy. You have to make a repeated concerted effort to stop it.