I'm going thought the same thing and honestly, from my experience so far not talking about means that they don't have to admit to us or feel bad for it. It's like the whole putting your head in the sand. If you ignore it it goes away. Which is so dumb, I also spent months calling and texting my ex-husband to understand why he cheated with a 22yr old who looks closer to 40. when I'm a 27 and everyone thinks I'm still 18 and she had nothing on me except she could provide kids and I couldn't. But I understand your hurt and frustration on not getting an answer.

It isn't an "attractive" vs. "unattractive" thing. It's a "different!" thing. At the risk of seeming insensitive, let me give you an admittedly-imperfect analogy: Consider men's fascination with breasts. Men don't fret about big, small, flat, round, huge, tiny, firm, saggy - men think about "different." Men like ALL breasts. As in, "Well, now THERE'S a pair I haven't seen before!" Like it or not, men are biologically programmed to procreate with as many woman as possible. Obviously, many men have "evolved" to remain monogamous, but many have not.

No, they won't tell you why. The why is some variation of this: I wanted to so I did, I deserve this, I'm bored with my partner, I need attention and excitement, I want something different, me me me me me me me me. You would have to be pretty honest and enlightened as a cheater to reveal why. That concept itself is an oxymoron. But it pretty much boils down to my word salad sentence above.

betrayedtodeath is spot on. I would add that some guys only get off when they are actually betraying someone else. They need the cheating. They themselves never ask themselves why they cheat and they don't care...cheaters only care about me me me as she said. If THEY don't know why they cheat, it is unlikely anyone else could ascertain why either. Sometimes asking why is just a damaging thing to do. It is the 'what' the cheating itself that needs to be dealt with. By walking away IMHO

Thanks so much for the insight!

I'm uncertain as to why you would continually call your ex over this, if he continually hangs up the phone: it's lunacy to do this. This isn't about him anymore, he's gone, this is now about you, and moving on, and not torturing yourself with the why's. If you do find yourself unable to escape those questions living in your mind, I'd consider seeking the help of a therapist.

To answer your question, cheaters don't go after gorgeous women. Gorgeous women are too busy being loyal to their gorgeous men. Cheaters have to stoop to a lower level to get their sex. Sometimes they stoop so low that they will never admit to the depths of their depravity. So it makes perfect sense that a cheater, who is desperate, would seek out someone who is also desperate, and that would include your trashy girlfriend.

I think it may be time to disassociate yourself from your past friend and lover, and start anew. Trying to understand the lunacy and desperation behind the acts of a cheater is not something a non-cheater can comprehend.

Wishing you well.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/why-happy-people-cheat/537882/

I got this from the cheater's board and have read this psychologist's previous stuff.

Cheating really isn't about the betrayed spouse at all. It is about the cheater who's self centered and unable to cope well will sadness/identity and other personal issues.

A lot of the time the "other" is actually pretty below standard both in physical attractiveness and obviously in character.

Remember when Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a toothless crack addicted prostitute....

I'm not sure what hurts more, thinking that she chose this person over me or that it wasn't about me at all.

Cheating has nothing to do with looks.
Yes, forwardmotion is spot on.

I agree forwardmotion is right on... the only thing I would add is unless the cheater is willing to admit he as a problem there's no hope in any type of recovery. Plus the cheatee has to be very careful not to have any fantasies that he can get better without this and a lot of work, Committment and Theraphy around the problem otherwise the cheatee is in for a life long world of hurt.

I sometimes think beautiful women are disadvantaged. If you are asking that, I'm assuming you think because you are beautiful, it's in the bag. You only have worry about women you perceive as more beautiful than yourself. If you're sitting around being pretty and putting forth even a minimal of effort to keep your husband engaged, that should be enough, right.

I can tell you right now, looks have very little to do with staying married. Men like women who are intelligent, witty and engage in meaningful dialogue. A woman with a winning personality will win out over a woman with a pretty face every single time. Few truly beautiful women are required to develop their personalities fully. Everything gets handed to them and sometimes they don't even realize how differently they're treated. The thing is, everyone loves shiny, pretty new things but tire of them if there is little depth or attachment.

The thing is, pretty girls can be smart about their relationships as well as pretty. The double whammy is hard to beat. Men like to chase, but once they conquer they expect endless adulation for that accomplishment. Beautiful women get used to being chased and think that's how the world works. Hell hon, men aren't anymore difficult to figure out than the rest of us. They want a woman who makes them feel handsome, smart, successful and good about themselves. They want to be treated with respect and consideration and not have to always be the one to initiate every action. They like to be chased sometimes too, just make sure you aren't rewarding cheating with more attention. They want someone to share confidences with and someone they feel really gets them like no one else.

Some men are selfish and they cheat. I don't get the feeling you're particularly torn up about it if you biggest concern is why men cheat on beautiful women. He's probably cheating because the two of you lack an emotionally attachment. Go find someone less selfish and manage your relationship differently. I see no need to stay in a cheating relationship.