Hi everyone,

I don't really know where to start so I shall just give you a shortened version.

my husband and I have been married for 5 years. We met in school and this year marks 13 years together. We have two incredible children and what I thought was an almost perfect marriage. Obviously we had our problems as does any other marriage but all in all we were happy. Just after our daughter was born 18 months ago, my husband changed jobs. He hated it, struggled immensely and by Christmas last year he was at rock bottom. He started medication to help with anxiety and depression and things got worse for him unbeknown to me.

we continued as normal and he seemed happier in himself although the job was still exhausting him mentally. I found out in June that he had had some sort of affair although my husband lied and said it was purely emotional.

I knew deep down it was more and wasn't going to settlle until I had answers. In August I discovered it was more and he had been having a full blown affair with a girl from work.

So many lies were revealed and I thought it was the end for us. I kicked him out for 2 weeks to give myself some space and time to think and then decided it was time to listen to what he had to say.

we managed to talk/shout things through and decided we would try marriage counselling. We have had 3 sessions and it has become apparent that we were emotionally disconnected. Easily done apparently when life gets busy.

He is really trying to prove to me how much of a mistake he made, 6 weeks on I'm starting to see the remorse and guilt he feels. I'm truly hurting but I'm afraid the pain he is feeling is getting too much for him.

i want him to feel bad but i don't want him to hate himself as much as he is. I've explained to him that while I'm still healing and its still very raw right now, he will eventually have to learn to forgive himself.

I don't condone his actions in any way, shape or form and he does need to make this up to me and rebuild trust but i cant see that being possible when he is so self loathing. I love the bones of him (ok i hate him at the moment) and i want this to work, as does he but we both need to make changes and rebuild if that is ever going to happen.

Does anyone have any advice?