If you were to start dating, i would do it with every intention of not trying to fix your marriage. The sad thing is that if either of you are wanting to rebuild the marriage it needs to be together. And it sounds like in the past it has been you more than him. If he has said he would be ok with you dating, than you can pretty much gather that he has no intention of pulling any weight in rebuilding.

I dont think its fair to the people you'll be dating. if your still talking to your spouse I assume its with the intent to repair your relationship, dating someone else makes them nothing more than a distraction, and wastes their time if they are looking for someone to begin a relationship with. Its misleading.

Agreed with Sisterinsane. You should date when you're physically, mentally and emotionally free to move on to a new relationship. Before that its just using someone to fill a need and that's not fair to them.

Those were my thoughts too. I personally wouldn't want to date someone who was still so wishy washy. Thanks for confirming it for me. I guess I'm not anywhere near that point. I think it was just a passing impulse to find out if I was single would I even be able to find anyone new. It's a case of trying to peek into door number two. It's impossible to know what will happen if I stay in the marriage or if I end it.

I think you'll attract the kind of man you want and need when you're free and clear of the current relationship.

In the meantime, how about expanding your social circle and getting out there to do fun things with friends?

cmonge - I understand what you are thinking/feeling. It is a self reassurance thing to help you feel strong to make a tough decision to move on. If you had someone else to run to then it makes it easier. That's how I feel. My therapist pointed out a lot of what was mentioned here. You are far more likely to end up in another bad relationship if you just jump immediately to a new person. I am very sure you could find one. For me, it is the fact that I have 3 women already expressing interest and I am still not even separated yet. It does give you confidence, but I don't want to act on anything because I am still in a mess myself. I am VERY tempted to start "dating" any one of them but I need to stay strong and get closure to my current situation first. I imagine it is the same for you?

Ibivibiv, yes similar except I feel a timer ticking because I am soon to be 50 and wonder if the longer I wait to divorce the less my chances if finding new romance. Hence the desire to test the waters. And I am sure there are men who would be happy to date without long term commitment, just for fun, but I guess then they would be the same type to cheat if I did decide I preferred commitment.
Plus my friend said the thing that helped her make the final decision to divorce was finally going on a date. Before that she couldn't imagine herself with anyone but her CS.

I wish the magic Answer of whether or not my spouse could change would come quicker and be clearer. I have to give him one last chance though. , I THINK!

I actually did go on a date the second weekend we had split. It was terrible, my mind was elsewhere the whole time, all I could think of was, should I be here, what is HE doing, .. oh it was nerve racking. Then I felt guilty. Like I shouldn't be out, like I was betraying my abusive spouse it was very confusing. I stayed single for 2 years after that.

Once upon a time there was a distinction between dating and starting a new relationship. Dating was a process of screening companions for potential as mates, and it was accepted and understood that there were no obligations as the result of simply going on a date. If you can take that approach and be up front with your dates about it, then I see no harm in scouting about and having a sense of what available men look like these days. Your husband might look like a gem by comparison, or a complete ass, and you will be making choices based on information instead of fear or insecurity.

I would suggest u don't start another relationship without ending the first, giving yourself time to heal, and finding happiness again with just yourself. I think you still have a deep seated love for your husband. Your romantic love for him may be fading but it's not easy to erase the underlying love which was built over 2 decades. If you fall in love with someone now you will feel very confused. But I understand your need for fun male companionship. If that need is strong enough you may consider signing up on a dating site. There are options to be just 'friends' or 'e-mail buddies'. Just getting to know someone else can be fun, but what you will quickly realise is that there isn't much of anything out there, because a dating site is just a cross section of society. Give it time before you give your heart to someone else.

I meant that if you join a dating site not to physially date (in person), unless you were through with your husband.