Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been struggling with this lately.
A year ago my husband and I bought a beautiful home that I love, and we made it a home. It has been my turtle shell these last eight months, a place of refuge and my turtle shell. I can cry in the shower, and paint my closet and just do my own thing and be with my dogs.
My problem is that my husband doesn't want to stop coming around. I know he pays for the house and the bills, and have even asked him to tell me when he is coming so I can leave, but the problem is I have no where to go and he is coming around almost daily.
I asked him if we could set up a schedule where he was with the OW Sunday-Thurday, came to the house Friday and Saturday and during those nights I would stay with a friend or in a hotel. I don't see how we can feasibly do a true separation anyother way, because if I moved into an apartment- which I have been thinking about, it would really take all of my money and I would have to forfeit my mortgage payment and the bills just to make ends meet.
I know if I move out that I wouldn't be able to return because I would picture her there and I would get upset, because my husband and I worked hard for our things, not her, why should she reap the benefit?
Is any of this making sense? Its been eight months, and not much is changing and I think it is time to really be apart- no contact, no living together. I wish I could say you seem to pick her, just be with her and don't come here. But he says he wants to come home because its his home, he feels comfortable here, and he pays for it- which in the state of Texas means he has every right to be there.
I do want my own apartment, but if I leave the home, it could go badly against me if we divorce, because it could look like abandonment. I just don't know what to do. My closest friends lives 30 minutes away and said I could live in her guest room, but she has six children and a husband who probably wouldn't be so happy about me always being there when I am not working.
Any advice on how to do this? This is what just made me see the writing on the wall even more this week. I am flying out of town Friday to see my father during his intensive chemo treatment. I asked H to take me to the airport, he agreed. Well, that doesn't mean he will stay the night, he cannot agree to that, and that means he wants me to leave my car at work, instead of our house, which makes it even more complicated for me because my boss will wonder why my car is there and know when I am back in town too. So I cannot even depend on him to do that.
So now I will probably have to drive myself to the airport and park my car there, how frustrating. Its like hello... here is your sign... nothing will change...
Anyway... I have a week off when I come back and don't know if I should look for an apartment or just take time to clear my head and figure things out. I do love my house but now its just a huge reminder of what we had, and now are losing.
Sorry so long any advice would be nice.
A year ago my husband and I bought a beautiful home that I love, and we made it a home. It has been my turtle shell these last eight months, a place of refuge and my turtle shell. I can cry in the shower, and paint my closet and just do my own thing and be with my dogs.
My problem is that my husband doesn't want to stop coming around. I know he pays for the house and the bills, and have even asked him to tell me when he is coming so I can leave, but the problem is I have no where to go and he is coming around almost daily.
I asked him if we could set up a schedule where he was with the OW Sunday-Thurday, came to the house Friday and Saturday and during those nights I would stay with a friend or in a hotel. I don't see how we can feasibly do a true separation anyother way, because if I moved into an apartment- which I have been thinking about, it would really take all of my money and I would have to forfeit my mortgage payment and the bills just to make ends meet.
I know if I move out that I wouldn't be able to return because I would picture her there and I would get upset, because my husband and I worked hard for our things, not her, why should she reap the benefit?
Is any of this making sense? Its been eight months, and not much is changing and I think it is time to really be apart- no contact, no living together. I wish I could say you seem to pick her, just be with her and don't come here. But he says he wants to come home because its his home, he feels comfortable here, and he pays for it- which in the state of Texas means he has every right to be there.
I do want my own apartment, but if I leave the home, it could go badly against me if we divorce, because it could look like abandonment. I just don't know what to do. My closest friends lives 30 minutes away and said I could live in her guest room, but she has six children and a husband who probably wouldn't be so happy about me always being there when I am not working.
Any advice on how to do this? This is what just made me see the writing on the wall even more this week. I am flying out of town Friday to see my father during his intensive chemo treatment. I asked H to take me to the airport, he agreed. Well, that doesn't mean he will stay the night, he cannot agree to that, and that means he wants me to leave my car at work, instead of our house, which makes it even more complicated for me because my boss will wonder why my car is there and know when I am back in town too. So I cannot even depend on him to do that.
So now I will probably have to drive myself to the airport and park my car there, how frustrating. Its like hello... here is your sign... nothing will change...
Anyway... I have a week off when I come back and don't know if I should look for an apartment or just take time to clear my head and figure things out. I do love my house but now its just a huge reminder of what we had, and now are losing.
Sorry so long any advice would be nice.
sandysan5743
Have you seen an attorney? I would not leave the marital home.
deleted_user
IF he has left the home then you should have changed the locks and made it so he can't get back in. If you just bought the home in the last year you will not have that much equity in the home so may not matter about the house so much. you should get a meeting with a lawyer to see what your options are. He should not be going back and forth if he is with her most of the week and not coming home he is out of the house. He is using you by going back and forth and this just makes your life harder to deal with he made his choice to be with her let him. If you decide you are done with the marriage then get your finances in order. If you think there is a chance to save marriage then he needs to know you are serious and do the 180 on him and change the locks let him know you will not stand to be used in this manner. He feels you will always let him back when he wants and so he can have his cake and eat it to. This is what I have been dealing with for 3 years and now am strong enough to stop the abuse.
deleted_user
I'm so sorry you continue to deal with this emotional roller coaster. You seemed to be doing so well from your post a few days ago, but then you never know what life, or just simply our emotions, will bring. Hopefully getting away this weekend will help you clear your head - I know my trip last weekend was just what I needed. I do think the best advice is let your emotions of this most recent incidence settle, and then see what you want to do from there. You had seemed really determined to make it through the next few months, to get your 'ducks in a row.' But only you will know if you can continue handling this situation.
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