There is nothing cruel about 50/50 custody. That is more generous than what Divorce statistics show. Dad's typically get 2 weekends a month and 1 evening a week. And they'd be paying her almost 30% income as child-support. You are in a much better position from a legal standpoint.

Quality is more important than Quantity. So you don't get to see them "everyday", but whatever time you DO spend with them; as long as it is quality time, it trumps quantity of time.

STBX is still with AP? Good for you! Yes! This makes moving on so much easier. Say hello to Life 2.0!

I meant QUALITY trumps Quantity...typo...

Honestly, that was the main reason I decided to stay. I was so angry that his actions were going to cause me to be away from my son. I want to be with my son every single day.

I am very sorry that you will be away from them because of her actions. Do you live close to her? Is it still possible to talk to them on her days?

Onyx, it must be very hard! I can't imagine one day without my children! You're right, it's damned if you do, damned if you don't situation...Rebuild vs. Divorce? Just my thouhgts,but it will be so very important for your children to see you happy & to enjoy their time with you! Assure them often & don't ever sway! My children rarely see their Dad & have really connected with my significant other. I continue to have a good relationship with my former spouse but he has no desire to help out with there many activities. I should say (in his defense) that he physically can't because of severe bipolar disorder. Somtimes I can see sadness in my children's eyes as they reach milestones & heis not there. You sound like a very involved Dad who loves his children & i wish you all the best during the transition!

Yes we live close by - I could call them but I think that just confusing them and puts in a permanent memory in them of "Daddy" calling us on the phone - thats just another level of hurt to this whole situation.

They will always say "come pick me up" that breaks my heart cause i can't. Just hurts so I let them be when they are with her.

I must add I can't pick them up cause - its her time with them. She did allow me once pick up my son on a saturday she had with them to take him to the aquarium then dinner. Now she won't let that happen again.

When I am with them we are action packed with stuff cause I don't like sitting around doing nothing so we go to the movies - museums - the mall (a lot) book stores, Disney on ice (this past weekend) - the indoor pool, play basketball or soccer. I like doing stuff so we try to do a lot of stuff together when I have them. We have always been like that.

I am sorry Onyx. It must suck like hell. I can't imagine. Hopefully she will ease with time and will allow you to take them more. Also when they get older they will be able to have more say until finally they will reach the age when they will be able to make their own decision who they want to be with. I am aware it is a very little consolation for now though. I am sorry.

I totally understand, Onyx. One of the first things out of my mouth, when my STBX asked me for a divorce so she could keep cheating, was that "I can't live with the idea of not seeing my kids every day." It's not what you or I signed up for...

My STBX said that she was jealous of how I was "so good" with the kids, but should've been better for her. (??) Since we're still living together during this divorce, my little one (age 3), if she gets up in the middle of the night, will crawl into my room & bed, and not hers. My STBX actually said something about it today, so it's bugging her...

Although it's not ideal, the 50/50 is the best possible outcome. Consider yourself lucky, and keep doing what you're doing with them. You're being an incredible dad, and even though you won't see them everyday, they'll remember this...

When the dust settles and she needs a sitter you will be getting lots of time. My H has oc and the ow was not happy at all about him being in his life from day 1. At first he could only see him at her apartment. Eventually she needed pick ups from school and after care. That became a regular thing.

Then I found out about A and oc. That completely changed the game. Now he could go out in public, take him for sleepovers at his house cause he wasn't a secret. She was pissed and fought him. He took her to court and judge told her she had to let him see him.

There is no custody agreement. Judge says without it he has equal rights. Anyway last summer she needed him daily to get the kid from camp. Funny how when she needed a sitter she started using my H services.

I'm sure she will be needing you and your services very soon. Don't avoid calling them, that's not the answer. Call them everyday at the same time and make a fun routine like evening prayers or a discussion of what they want to do next visit. If they ask to be picked up just say, I will see you on Saturday, let's talk about what we will do.

How old are they? You could give them a journal to write to you each dsy. If they are missing you they can write it. Then when you have your visit read the journal have a healthy discussion and then enjoy your day.

I never kept my kids from my H when we were seperated. It's the worst thing one spouse can do to the other. Not that he was making time to see them daily but he could have.

Hoping she sees the light and realizes what she is doing.

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