Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
On Friday morning, I got up and went to get on the computer to check my emails and my husband had not shut down his email account before leaving for work. I was horrified when I read that he had answered an ad on Craigslist for men seeking men. He had been emailing this man for a week or two.
When I asked him about it, he said that he was just curious about how a man could do that. To me, if you are just curious, you don't discuss how large you are or how you want "friends with bennifits" I am finding it very hard to believe that it is just curiousness and not anything else. Especially since the guy that he chose to respond to lives in the same town as we do! He closed the email account that he had used, but I am still not sure how to trust him and how to move on past this. I tried to talk to him about it tonight (Monday) and he got very angry and looked like he was going to hit me because I told him to sit down and talk to me about it. He is now playing the " I just want to end my life" card and I feel guilty and think that I should just drop it and move on. I don't know how I am going to be intimate with him again. I can hardly look at him. I told him that I could almost deal with another woman and move on, but a man is different. I feel like I can not satisfy him.
When I asked him about it, he said that he was just curious about how a man could do that. To me, if you are just curious, you don't discuss how large you are or how you want "friends with bennifits" I am finding it very hard to believe that it is just curiousness and not anything else. Especially since the guy that he chose to respond to lives in the same town as we do! He closed the email account that he had used, but I am still not sure how to trust him and how to move on past this. I tried to talk to him about it tonight (Monday) and he got very angry and looked like he was going to hit me because I told him to sit down and talk to me about it. He is now playing the " I just want to end my life" card and I feel guilty and think that I should just drop it and move on. I don't know how I am going to be intimate with him again. I can hardly look at him. I told him that I could almost deal with another woman and move on, but a man is different. I feel like I can not satisfy him.
It may have started out by him being curious and then snowballed from there. Sin has a way of doing that because we start off thinking we can control it then it takes hold of us and we lose control.
The most important thing for you is to take time to focus on healing yourself and as you heal you will be able to help your husband more.
He is probably deeply embarassed by the whole situation and is naturally reluctant to talk about it. Be careful how you approach the subject, you obviously need to talk about it and he does too. He, however, probably doesn't realize the importance of talking because right now he just wants it to go away.
If you really want to help him, you'll have to be gentle with him. This situation is different then a lot of infidelity situations because this probably is causing him to question his manhood. If you can find it in your heart to help nurture him back to health, then pour your love on him. (I know this will be tough.) If you can't right now, help him find a counselor which can help him heal. (Probably a good idea anyway.)
I know you had a sleepless night, but try an get some rest if you can. The lack of sleep is probably the biggest enemy you have at the moment.
I hope you find what you need to heal and move on from him. Good luck to you.
This may sound homophobic but in my opinion men don't cross this road without really belonging on the other road to begin with. Curiosity may lead to looking at a picture but to take it to the above level....is a major red flag. Sorry
My point is this, if your husband does not want to walk the path there is hope to avoid it, just as anyone wishing to avoid sin can choose a different path.
If abuse is in the picture -- it's essential to keep the children and yourself in a safe environment physically and emotionally.
Defe33 and others have provided good advice. I stayed for many years because I loved him -- and for the sake of the kids. We didn't get things resolved and the kids learned some vary nonfunctional patterns of behaviors and relatioships. I'm working on those now -- and wishes I'd addressed things more directly earlier on -- either with counseling and help (a nonnegotiable) or a firm decision to move on.
Much strength to you in this very difficult time. Hugs