Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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What should I do?!

lorenzo19
lorenzo19

I'll do my best to give the abreviated version. My girlfriend and I broke up in August after she discovered I had emotionally cheated. She moved out and moved back to her hometown over 8 hrs away. I have since been working on me through weekly counseling, endless reading and support groups such as this. I have also consulted with a couple that I am friends with about all of this because they too have experienced infidelity in their 15 year marriage, but came out the other side stronger than ever berfore. They have been an invaluable resource for me. Long story short, my friend in her infinite wisdom, felt compelled to reach out to my exgirlfriend without my knowledge to try to talk to her and told me after the fact. I know my friend meant well and thought she was helping, but I was was completely PISSED when I found out! She is adamant that she told my ex that I wasn't aware of her reaching out. Mind you, my ex has practically shut down all forms of communication with me since August. I have no reason to believe she haasn't blocked my friend as well as a result of this stunt. Now my question. Should I have this person reach out to my ex to apologize for not staying in her lane or just leave it be and let my ex believe whatever she believes at this point to avoid screwing things up further?

heartache5
heartache5
Leave it be. This is outside your knowledge that she reached out. She may have been friends with her and was hoping to help.
Tgat was her choice and it will be her choice if she wants to reach out again.
Unless she painted a completely wrong picture of you. But I can only imagine she was trying to make you look good. Ur ex is mad leave het be.
I applaud you for ur effort though. Even if things don't get better with ur ex it sounds like you realize what you did and ent to change to be a better person. Good on you.
lorenzo19
lorenzo19
Thank you, heartache5. Just to clarify, this was not a mutual friend of my ex and I. My ex has never met or talk to her before.
heartache5
heartache5
Oh I see, that's a bit weird that she reached out to ur ex, very touchy subject. If she feels bad, she on her own could write a letter to her to apologize, but not by ur recommendation. Do you hope you 2 get back together? if that's your hope than slowly you could try to find some form of contact again, probably by writing a letter to apologize, not through anyone for sure, so I wouldn't ask ur friend to contact her again. If you don't hope or think things will get back together than just leave her be. she is hurt and it will take her a lot of time to get over this if she ever will.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
The ex-girlfriend cut communication and blocked him.

Her intentions are very clear. To find round about ways to contact her any further would be disrespectful in the least and aggressive in the worst.

If she ever feels the need to contact again she will decide to do so.
lorenzo19
lorenzo19
Do you feel better about yourself now that you got that out of your system, refurb? It’s always good to be blessed with the presence of the high and mighty that have no faults and feel it necessary to pass judgement on others as if their past is prestine.
heartache5
heartache5
yes forwardmotion does make a good point. your ex blocked you and cut all contact. I retract my suggestion to sent her your own apology. I agree with Forwardmotion. I think its the most respectfull thing after what you did to leave her alone. If she wants contact she reaches out, if not than not. You had all the power in the past now she has all the power, that's only fair.
Keep working on urself though if its not for you ex it will be for ur future girlfriend. its worth the hard work for sure. Good luck
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Refurb isn't really here to help. He's pretty bitter still.

That being said it is the risk you take posting on the infidelity forum.
lorenzo19
lorenzo19
I understand, forwardmotion. Whether it’s an infidelity forum or a cooking forum there will always be internet trolls.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Just a thought. It just clued in that your friend is female.

Just to give you some warning. If you are someone who's drug is cheating then you can't have close friendships with females outside of your significant other.

It is like an alcoholic having a stocked bar at home.

You need to remove all temptations as your weakness for cheating will always be there and you don't want to tempt yourself.

I would suggest moving towards getting male friends who are healthy examples of manhood.
lorenzo19
lorenzo19
Thank you for that insight, forwardmotion. This particular individual is part of the married couple that has been advising me and they are always together when we meet/talk, but for whatever reason she felt it appropriate to reach out to my ex to have a woman to woman, heart to heart convo. You make it a valid point and will keep that in mind moving forward.