Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I noticed in a lot of responses of people who are much further from D-day, that there is a common thread. It seems like a lot of people are going through the motions, but their trust and even love seems to not be there. I see a lot of apathy towards the cheating partner. Do you think this is a normal part of recovering? I'm just feeling like if I'm at 10,11,12 months feeling like that, what's the point? Have you accepted that new normal? Are you hoping your love will return? At what point do you think you'll realize it won't?
My feelings of love haven't changed, but my trust certainly has. I wonder if over time and more truth telling, I'll feel more disconnected? I guess I'm in search of what lies ahead. I just want to know before I get there. So silly I know.
I think you need to distinguish between personal healing of one's emotional/physical/spiritual states after the affair and healing of the marriage itself.
With so many factors involved in affairs and general health of marriages before/after an affair it is a bad idea to gauge things on a standard timeline.
I think it is better to look at progress. No progress or regression in any of the healing areas over a significant span of time like a few months is red flag.
However, if there is at least some incremental progress then I don't think you should worry.
I also like to add that it isn't all or nothing. Shoulder tears generally never heal 100% but it can heal to a point where it is acceptable, but not perfect in function. Sometimes we can accept and live with it.
Is life better without him? A new partner can also cheat. Everyone makes mistakes. I don't want anyone else to raise my kids all things tgat pass through July mind I so much want to make it work. But no idea when I will be able too. 5 months in now so I give it a bit longer.
Everyone feels different if ur not feeling it and feel like you want to get out do it no-one can blame you.
I also wish to hear some glimmers of hope from other B.S.
Even though the A was totally his fault.. I wasn’t a reason our marriage was in a position that invited it. (I was totally blind to it)
We meet each other’s emotional needs.
No friends of the opposite sex.
We spend 15 hours a week together.
We have learned to negotiate. There are no more independent behaviors. We ask each other before doing anything.
Example: I get an invitation to a Christmas party on a day I know we are both available. I do not give the person an answer until checking with him. If he says no we don’t go. We discuss the reasons why. Come up with a solution if it is possible. Maybe he got an invitation also and wants to go to that. Maybe I don’t like the people going to that party. (People that knew about the affair), besides he doesn’t hang out with those people either) We do not separate and go to different parties. If we cannot come up with a solution we do nothing. Or come up with a solution that has nothing to do with parties at all. Anyway we both have to be happy with the decision.
It isn’t perfect.. I am not quick to trust either. He is open, codes and passwords. I pick up and check his phone once or twice a week... habit. We do thing together.
Our kids are grown.. we both make really good money. We don’t feel obligated to be together... we honestly love each other and are friends. We do not work opposite shifts and have the same days off... after the A, I went to my boss and told them if they didn’t switch my shift it would be their fault I got a divorce. They switched my shift.