Mutual respect
Trust
Honesty
Laughter
Ability to have an open discussion peacefully (about anything)
Compassion
Empathy
Passion
Willingness to compromise
The ability to agree to disagree
Friendship

Not necesarily in that order.


These are things both people need to have in order to form a good partnership. You may think you embody most if not all of these but take a good look into yourself and really reflect on who you have been in the marriage.

I'm sure there are many other priorities but these are the ones that come off the top of my head. I'm not including kids because there needs to be a seperation of parents vs couple.

Kids will always make the top 3 for each of you as individuals but self love and care and marriage should be there too. This list is just about the marriage. Self care and love should be above that.

What kind of things did you have at the beginning of your relationship that you miss now?

I agree with pinkpony66 children is top 3. Communication in my opinion is top 3 too. Honesty. Loyalty and fidelity for me which includes trust is priority for me. Respect.

All good points. I have found it is so hard to try to be objective sometime because i would love for it to be about me for once, however i know that is not reasonable or fair for the us portion of the relationship.
Lisa - I think one of the biggest things missing that we had at the beginning that we dont have now is the ability to be together and not feel totally awkward. She has driven herself to be so independant and making sure i know she can do as she pleases with out letting me know anything that we dont feel comfortable doing things together any more.

Do you guys drink at all? H and I had some of our best conversations drinking wine on the patio after Dday. There was some crying, some arguing, a lot of explaining and even laughing together. We still have regular dates whee we plan to sit out there and just hang out together.

Try picturing what you envisioned marriage like before you got married. It could be things like wanting to take romantic vacations. Or visit family more (or less). Maybe you want to go to church together. Or ordinary stuff like wanting to work on chores together instead of separately (or separately instead of together). Maybe you like to talk at night before bed. Or maybe you want to sleep in together on Saturday mornings. What's your vision things if they were perfectly the way you think about them? Do you argue and talk about past stuff and wish that would change? Do you wish she was more or less involved in the finances?

Lisa - no we dont drink at all. But your idea is a good one, and can be done over a cup of coffee or tea or what not as well.
Thinkaboutit - that is a good thing to think about, i have never thought about that at all.

Everyone has made very good points as always here.

Safety - to feel safe and loved

Love - obvious reasoning here

Communication - for if she is feeling xyz and is about to go off into crazy town or needs (whatever) needs meet - that she goes to you.

Family - To me - when I see movies about families now - or TV shows about families I think about how infidelity has distroyed mine - so your family unit - that has to be a major - major priority and basically for her.

Your priorities are mainly to listen to her and offer her love and friendship, protection, honesty etc.

The ones mentioned above are mainly for her as you have said.

I was also thinking you can add as a major good priority to have is:

Good Morals and Values.

That those will never be taken away from you.

Making time for each other is a big one for me. My wife works a lot. But on days when i make supper, she will come home and we'll eat together at the table, but she will be done before me, get up to get desert, and sit and watch her soaps with desert, whilst i am still sat at the table. She also rarely texts me throughout the day. Also when we do get a little time together, she thinks I want to use it going shopping at Big Lots. Sorry, didn't mean to go on about my own situation, but making time for each other is very important.