My advice is get involved in family counseling with somebody who works with children. They will guide you in the right direction.

Children understand analogies. Use someone who your son does not necessarily like, well call him Billy. Ask him how he would like to have to live with Billy, then elaborate on how you living with his father is analogous to him living with Billy.

There are 100's of books written for kids about divorce. Just ask at your local bookstore or library or even go to half.com.

He doesn't need to know why his parents split up (he is a child and it's OK for parents to keep some things from their chlildren) but I would hate to think he contimnues to feel their is hope for a reconcilation. Make it clear that mommy and daddy have decided this is how it's going to be from now on.

Good luck!

You both should sit down with him (either together or separately) and discuss with him that you both still love him the same and it is not his fault. That is the most important thing because children automatically feel like mommy and daddy divorcing is because of something they (the children) did bad.

I found myself in a similar position as a youngster and it had a lasting impression on me. I felt like my daddy didn't love me anymore and that my mother was pushing him away because of something I did..

Make sure he understands that it is no one's fault, mommy and daddy just need to live different places. Comfort him together for reinforcement because the more he feels ok and doesn't see you fighting, the sooner (and better) he will adjust.

It can cause irreparable damage if he hears or sees you fighting or talking rudely to one another. It doesn't matter whose fault or not it is, all that matters is the chlid, and I'm so glad that you plan to take the high road..Children are mere mirrors of us so what we do and say influences the rest of their lives.

I raised four children, all off which were from different spouses and I can tell you this because I have lived through it with my kids. I have many regrets, so please take what I say to heart. Maybe if someone had sat me down and told me this--but I was so young and thought fighting and screaming was normal behavior--I could have handled things a lot different. They are all grown now and turned out well, despite me thank goodness :)

prayers for you all,
Rosey

Rosie,

Your reply was dead on...I cried knowing you are right about everything you said. Thankyou for your support and wonderful advice. I hope I can do a good job with the support you have shared with me. I remember how it felt when my parents used to fight...and it wasn't often...they were married for 54 years until my father passed. Best friends for life...my mother never remarried...she is well into her 80's now and still misses her best friend.
Childred are so impressionable and the things we do as parents have a long lasting effect on them for the rest of their lives.
Your advise is right on and I intend to discuss this with my recently separated wife so we won't make the mistakes that so many broken marriages do make each and every day with regards to their survivor children.

Again thanks so much...
Hugs and Kisses,
Melech