My husband of 3 and 1/3 MONTHS cheated on me Saturday night, as in 3 days ago. And my reaction (once I got past the intital screaming/moaning/soul-ripping/heart-smashing painful one I had when he first confessed it) has been really strange.  Not what I always imagined it would be in such a terrible situation.  I literally feel like a numb zombie, but at the same time I want to be close to him constantly.  I feel almost ok if he has his arms around me, the tighter the better.  Last night I had sex with him.  I wanted to.  I had to.  I wasn't rewarding him at all... it felt more like I was marking my territory, or reclaiming him or something.  I haven't eaten since Saturday night when he came home and told me what happened.  I drink coffee and diet coke from the moment I wake until I fall asleep, but I don't eat and I don't want to.  I have literally NO control over what happened, and I have NO control over the pain that apparently anyone - strangers, my own husband, you name it - can cause me any time they feel like it.  For some reason I just can't eat now... and I've been cutting myself, which is such a dumb, teenage-angst, stupid thing to do, but it literally gets rid of that scary-numb feeling.  Temporarily, but even a few minutes of feeling better is worth it.  Ugh, this is all so fucking ridiculous.

I'm not normally such a freak... We have two young children, good, responsible grown-up jobs, a home, we are in the middle of moving to another state (something we've waited years to get to do), we have known each other since we are kids and have been "together for more than 5 years.   I don't know if what I'm feeling and doing is normal, or acceptable, or wrong, or what... please just tell me that I'm not crazy.  I'm so afraid that I'm going crazy...