Everything has been great. If I didn't know he cheated I wouldn't know anything was wrong. I am the one who is always upset and fighting when I get overwhelmed by thoughts. I feel like my H has won something.he got to cheat, still has his best wife (according to him), his house his business. Every week we have a fight ,started by me. Last week we fought. He said he thought things had been better between us. I said they have been better. He is upset that I've put up a distance between us. I said it's because you cheated and lied to me. I don't want a barrier but I can't help it. Then I told him that i think our marriage is over it's been over. And he said no it's not. I said yes it is. It's been over for years but I was too stupid to notice but now I noticed. He said " now you are talking crazy sh$t" the marriage is not over . I never thought it was over. It wasn't over even before. We've had a good marriage. I left him for 2 days (3 weeks ago). Idk but I think he realized he could lose me.  I have full access to his phone. I've gone with him to his jobs everyday for 3 weeks (except 2 days). He told me I could come to alleviate my fears that he was still seeing her.

I complained to him that I've never felt an equal in this marriage. He said it's not true. He always thought of me as his equal and even more.That I could do whatever I want.I told him he says things to twist my mind to get around to his way of thinking. He is offended I could think this.

If there is anything good that came out of this affair( if there can be any) is that for 2 months he hasn't been yelling or cursing me. I am not terrorized by him , just by his affair. 

Sometimes I think of leaving, when my emotions get out of control. Still extremely hurt and can't believe he could do this.