Maybe you can start new traditions with your kids? Different fun things you haven't really done before that can overwrite what you used to do.

Sit down with the kids and ask them what they would like to do this year. Answer any questions as honestly as possible. You might be surprised at what they come up with.

Allow them each to come up with a suggestion for a new holiday tradition. EVen if it means steak for Christmas and no turkey.

I live by myself and I am making new traditions with food and occassions I will attend

I recommend avoidance strategies... get tons of movies.. enough so you and the kids can watch 24/7..... forget the formal dinner thing..you wont feel like it... instead.. have a fun time. Get out sleeping bags and camp out in your family room, Celebrate with pizza and easy fix in's and have scented candles to keep your mood up....

you can have a wonderful holiday so long as it is totally different that you experienced iwth him.. trust me on that one...

Creating a new tradition is a wonderful idea. Involve your kids and see what they come up with. You may not be able to do it because of your surgery but last year for Christmas I rolled up my sleeves and pitched in as a volunteer for a couple organizations that help people over the holidays. It wasn't much but it made me feel really good to help someone else, someone worse off than me, to have a better holiday. I will be doing it again this year but will be working with some disadvantaged and handicapped kids in the city where I work.
We started a new tradition in my family as well last year and everyone is very much looking forward to it this year. I actually can't wait!

I agree with the others. Break out of your mold! Go compeletly in the opposite direction if you have to. The movies will definitely help, too. If the kids are in on it, it will be so much fun. Just another hurdle. You'll get through it just fine. Happy Holidays!!!

But for our 2 year old, I would have taken NewWoman's idea helping the needed.

hi again! Thanks for the wonderful ideas and support. I talked with my kids about doing some volunteer work this holiday, partyly due to my H's absence and partly due to the fact the money will be tight this season. I was suprised at not only how understanding they were, but also the amazing ideas that they came up with on their own! they make me feel so blessed--beautiful kids who are so willing to give so much of themselves! I think this may be the best holiday season yet for our family!

Our first Christmas we had Chinese take out and sat in front of the fire and watched TV. Definitely different - don't know what we'll do this year.

My kids did some struggling the first year. I do remember having a family meeting about it and asking them what we should do. I then reminded them that 'we are still a family, just a bit different than what we set out at the start. Heck, you guys, we can still have 'fun' in disfunction!' They liked that.

We ended up doing the same holiday that we always did, just without their dad. It showed them that we can move on together without him.

It ended up being one huge dinner, football in the back yard before that and movies later.

Your suggestions sound amazing.

L~

Hi again Heartbroken! My sons had Thanksgiving every year with their Father and his family...and Christmas every year with my family. This year.....my youngest is staying home.....and we have decided to invite Soldiers from a nearby Air Force Base to eat Thanksgiving dinner at our house......pray for me....approx 30 soldiers I am going to try to cook for.....and also a blind date to carve the turkey. IMHO, I have completely lost my mind here in OKC!! Cindi

firstly, i want to say i'm glad you're away from your abuser. I'm still with mine and the first holidays were horrible.. they were so.. different.. they just reminded me of the way things used to be (especially since Yule is our wedding anniversary). Take heart in the fact that you're away from him and you can move on with your life. Enjoy the time with your children- arrange some activities that are holiday centered. You now have the chance to build a life that you deserve

EAGLEMOM-What a wonderful thing to do for our soldiers!! Good luck and prays to ya. Give the soldiers my blessings please.

Heartbroken-Good luck on your surgery. It sounds like you and your children will have a fullfilling holiday. Maybe you and yours will enjoy it so much that next year you can outdo EAGLEMOM and cook for 35 soldiers!!!

BTW- You're husband will probably be the one feeling the "emptiness" this year.