Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I just ended a 7 yr. relationship and.. I am very unhappy about the fact that it ended and the way it ended. I am divorced with two kids and, in 1999 met a nice divorced man without kids that I totally liked. We fell in love and soon moved in together. Things went quite well and for a while looked like a good second chance for both of us. A year and a half later his 90 yr. old mom came to live with us. She had run out of money and was forced to come live with her only son.
Little by little things got complicated and the relationship started to go down hill as more and more Mom-Son Relationship took over. Romance and communication became difficult around mom and He started to be more and more busy or away from home in meetings and political activities. I think he was escaping his mom, and I think I was doing it too. Soon we were both living separate lives outside the house. At the house.. everything revolved around his mom.
I knew things were not too well, but still I loved him, and I did not want to make things more difficult for him. I decided not to be a wedge, and instead give them ample room and opportunity to be together. It was a funny way of coping but.. I thought it was best. I loved him, and was willing to share his time, love and attention.
Well...things did not go better and instead everything went down the tubes. Last November he met someone in one of his meetings and started an afair. He couldn't find romance with his mom breathing on his neck so.. he found it outside. I am still very upset about that! Not to mention heart broken.
After finding out, I needed a break from him and took the kids with me and went to spend chrismas vacation with my parents. He got upset about my sudden departure and at the airport handed me a letter, telling me he needed to sell his house to find a more suitable place for his mom suggesting I should move out. Not one word about breaking up, or his affair.
Our communications totally frozen up at that point. From January to July we lived together practically as roomates. I attempted to talk with him about our situation and the fact that I was aware of his affair. He was vague, and overall avoided talking about our relationship or his affair. It appeared as if.. At the drop of a hat I was just "Out of the Picture" He continued to see her and be in contact with her during these months. I was only aware of that from little clues I was able to put together.
End of story... I couldn't deal with that and moved out this past summer.
But... I am so heart broken, and very sad that I practically moved out and we never had a closure talk.
Truth is I still love him and somehow.. I have to come to terms with the fact that he does not love me, and even if he did I cant be with him under present circumstances.
It hurts me very much to have ended our relationship in this way. I wonder how much he is a victim as well of the Mom effect.I can only wonder how things would had been different if Mom hadn't come to live with us.
I want advice on where to go from here. Is there a point in talking... in telling me how much it hurt the way he chose to end things, his affair etc..
I seem to need some resolution to the things that were not said. Perhaps a closure.
Little by little things got complicated and the relationship started to go down hill as more and more Mom-Son Relationship took over. Romance and communication became difficult around mom and He started to be more and more busy or away from home in meetings and political activities. I think he was escaping his mom, and I think I was doing it too. Soon we were both living separate lives outside the house. At the house.. everything revolved around his mom.
I knew things were not too well, but still I loved him, and I did not want to make things more difficult for him. I decided not to be a wedge, and instead give them ample room and opportunity to be together. It was a funny way of coping but.. I thought it was best. I loved him, and was willing to share his time, love and attention.
Well...things did not go better and instead everything went down the tubes. Last November he met someone in one of his meetings and started an afair. He couldn't find romance with his mom breathing on his neck so.. he found it outside. I am still very upset about that! Not to mention heart broken.
After finding out, I needed a break from him and took the kids with me and went to spend chrismas vacation with my parents. He got upset about my sudden departure and at the airport handed me a letter, telling me he needed to sell his house to find a more suitable place for his mom suggesting I should move out. Not one word about breaking up, or his affair.
Our communications totally frozen up at that point. From January to July we lived together practically as roomates. I attempted to talk with him about our situation and the fact that I was aware of his affair. He was vague, and overall avoided talking about our relationship or his affair. It appeared as if.. At the drop of a hat I was just "Out of the Picture" He continued to see her and be in contact with her during these months. I was only aware of that from little clues I was able to put together.
End of story... I couldn't deal with that and moved out this past summer.
But... I am so heart broken, and very sad that I practically moved out and we never had a closure talk.
Truth is I still love him and somehow.. I have to come to terms with the fact that he does not love me, and even if he did I cant be with him under present circumstances.
It hurts me very much to have ended our relationship in this way. I wonder how much he is a victim as well of the Mom effect.I can only wonder how things would had been different if Mom hadn't come to live with us.
I want advice on where to go from here. Is there a point in talking... in telling me how much it hurt the way he chose to end things, his affair etc..
I seem to need some resolution to the things that were not said. Perhaps a closure.
Please look at your state laws and see if you would be considered a common law wife...
A good friend of mine lived with her boy friend 7 years in my state, and she had to get a divorce..
I think that whatever feelings he had for you are long gone, so the only thing that you can do, is try to build your life either by yourself or with someone else....
Keep in mind that no matter how bad things get u cant give up on your hopes and dreams.
Its awesome that you moved out :) that was very brave of you. I know you need closure- that part always hurts. Are you divorced? Please message me so I can know more details. Also I am interested in what your goals are. goals are the most important thing in life.
No offense but some of your thoughts are very irrational: how can you love some one who treated you like shit? describing him as a victim is also irrational. Hes no victim. He is a weak person for letting his mom dictate what he does. If mom hadnt come to live you, you never would have come to this realization so in some ways you could be thankful. Bad things in life that happen make us who we are. There are amazing people I have met in my life who have amazing stories... stories like yours, and they've come out on top. There's no reason why you cant do the same.
LJ
You need a healthy dose of self esteem. What you don't need is this relationship.. He's a dirt bag.
It's easy for me to say, but I would dump this guy like a bad habit if you're married. Move on, set some goals, change your perspective on life. I know it won't be easy, but nothing in life worth anything is easy...
Whatever you do, don't walk around with the "victim mentality.." I believe in the Law of Attraction, where like attracts like...
There's a DVD out there called "The Secret." You can buy a used one on Amazon for about $5. I suggest that everyone make this investment. It's a great message.
All the best to you Yosem...!!
I am on my own with my two kids and sometimes is hard. I hope writing and discussing these issues here help me out.
Thank you for your time and kind words.
-- yosem