Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I first came to this board because my ex husband cheated on me and I have been working on healing from it. But now I have a different story to share.
A few days ago I got a friend request from an old high school friend that I used to have a huge crush on 16 years ago. I accepted and then he started messaging me. We shared what we've been up to these past couple years. I told him I recently got divorced and he actually got married last year. He then tells me that he's so happy he found me because he had tried looking for me after high school because he actually had a huge crush on me! I was shocked because I had a huge crush on him too but just figured he only wanted to be friends. He then tells me he would like to catch up and chat some more so I give him number (stupid me). We text later and talk about our jobs and stuff but then he started to really flirt with me. I told him I was not comfortable flirting back with him because he was married and I was seeing someone. It was tempting, but I stayed strong. He didn't seem to care and said he knew it sounded crazy but he still had a crush on me. He seemed to think it was okay or he was entitled to flirt with me. His excuse was because he regrets not getting to kiss me in high school. I told him we can only be just friends. I just find it unbelievable that some people think it okay to cross these boundaries. Why put everything at risk?? I feel bad for his wife.
I do find it ironic that my most memorable crush finds me years later when I'm actually single, confesses his crush on me, still wants to be with me, BUT he's married. Just wow...you never know what can happen. I never ever would have guessed this would happen.
A few days ago I got a friend request from an old high school friend that I used to have a huge crush on 16 years ago. I accepted and then he started messaging me. We shared what we've been up to these past couple years. I told him I recently got divorced and he actually got married last year. He then tells me that he's so happy he found me because he had tried looking for me after high school because he actually had a huge crush on me! I was shocked because I had a huge crush on him too but just figured he only wanted to be friends. He then tells me he would like to catch up and chat some more so I give him number (stupid me). We text later and talk about our jobs and stuff but then he started to really flirt with me. I told him I was not comfortable flirting back with him because he was married and I was seeing someone. It was tempting, but I stayed strong. He didn't seem to care and said he knew it sounded crazy but he still had a crush on me. He seemed to think it was okay or he was entitled to flirt with me. His excuse was because he regrets not getting to kiss me in high school. I told him we can only be just friends. I just find it unbelievable that some people think it okay to cross these boundaries. Why put everything at risk?? I feel bad for his wife.
I do find it ironic that my most memorable crush finds me years later when I'm actually single, confesses his crush on me, still wants to be with me, BUT he's married. Just wow...you never know what can happen. I never ever would have guessed this would happen.
L~
I agree, Lstecker. I just can't believe how easy it could have been. This is also not the first time I've had to turn away a married man.
We're on this board for a reason and I don't know about you, but I don't have patience for people who have no respect for their relationships in that way. I've already been burned myself so no matter the history with another if they don't have respect enough for themselves, their partner, let alone me in that way? They can right the fuck off. Just b/c someone comes circling back our way it doesn't mean we are obligated to welcome them back in even if there was a crush moment, some kind of history or whatever.
And I don't know if he was a nice guy back when but given what you've shared here? He's an asshole and I really feel for his wife too.
If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship? Get the fuck out. But don't try to carry on with another. In doing so it says SO much about someone who is willing to do that.
Missy, he's already at the back of my mind. I have no desire to contact him or even stay friends. I guess I finally got through to him because he's leaving me alone now. At first it was nice to hear from him but now that I've seen this side of him, the image I had of him has changed. I'm actually glad I didn't end up with him because he could have done the same thing to me.
Felifel, I've always believed that things happen or don't happen in life for a reason, it's sort of like the universe steering you in the right direction. We can try to spin it any way we like, and make ourselves believe all kinds of things, or reasons why they've come into our life now. But the reality is if it was supposed to happen, it would have, back then.
Romanticizing about the past when you're in a relationship is never a good sign (advice for him). Let me rephrase that, it's a really bad sign. Involving oneself, to any degree, with a past crush, whilst dating a new person, is a recipe for failure. It also shows a lack of respect for the new person.
He's flirtatious with you so you know the score. He's trouble and you're inviting him in, and I'm certain the person you're dating would not be amused.
25 years ago when I was in high school, I went out on a couple of dates with a nice gal. (I'll call her T.). It was short lived because I went off to college in the other half of the state. She stayed in our home town. I had always wondered what happened to her but never did anything about it. Life moves on. I finished college, married, had a son, divorced. Now, I'm 3+ years post divorce. A few months back, I thought to look her up. I liked her then, I wondered how she was doing. I found her on FB, so I sent her a message, but got a reply from someone (mom?, sister?) saying she was on vacation for a while. Odd. Turns out, she was doing some time at the local county jail. She had stolen a credit card from someone at an old folks home where she worked and racked up a bill. Yikes.!
I really wish I hadn't tried to contact her. I would have felt much better keeping the good memories of her as they were when we were young. Now, its all ick.
Leave those long lost loves in the past. Cherish the memories, but make new friends.