It's been almost 5 years since I found out about my husbands cheating with a co worker of his. I have many unanswered questions , that well never be answered I realized this about 3 years ago so I stopped asking.

I was just sitting here a few moments ago thinking about things, with our daughter who graduated this may planning her open house , we've been married almost 19 years now . One thing that I have always wondered is with my husband he never calls me on the phone , tells me he does not text, but when he was cheating on me he was calling "HER" every day talking anywhere from 5 mins to like 2 hours, texting, I know it's been 5 years , but there are still a few questions that still linger, of course "WHY?"

I am wondering why he does not call me and chat with me ,text with me, but he didn't have a problem with her ,I sometimes ask him 'What in the hell did you talk about with her ?" Since years have passed some t of the anger had drained way , it's more curiosity, what the hell did they talk about every day 7 days a week for hours sometimes when I can't even get him to call me , his answer would be "I don't know stuff, life " WTH does that mean ,life ? I even asked if they were sexting or talking dirty on the phone , just some answer anything ...

And some of the time I feel like I am married to a complete stranger.

I remember when I contacted the OW husband we had a long talk and the things he was telling me his wife as telling him about my husband,( he liked to cook, do all these things he's never ever wanted to do with me or showed any interest in) after it was out in the open ,I felt like I was living with a stranger , I began to wonder if it was actually my husband she was screwing around with ,because it didn't make sense , if it were not for the phone bills and he finally admitting to it . I was like "Who are you ?" Why did you spend so many years lying to me, and yet you have no problem talking about your emotions and feelings with a woman you have known a what a year, and we've been together at the time almost 15 years.

And he protected her, he would not tell me who she was , I found out via phone bill, she had called him on his cell from her land line , I could not believe how angry he was with ME, after I found out who she was, I called and told her husband, I called up to work and told them to have her stop calling my husband on the work cell phone they had given her, using it for personal use, yes I was angry and I wanted the world to know it I told him I didn't care what they thought of me ,come to find out that this is a past time of hers where she worked,

In the end she was a coward, she hid behind her husband and sons, and her friends, she would send me nasty emails an text messages telling me about my husband ,this or that, funny thing was when I had finally came face to face with her I stood there and could not believe it ,she was about 10 years older than me , anorexic, snaggled tooth , all I remember saying "You can't be serious, this is who you cheated on me with ? " I just started laughing, I can still see the look on her face and my husbands face, we all ended meeting in the parking lot where they worked by accident, she was waiting for him, and had no idea I was there, she was trying to talk to him after I had found out , I can't due her justice by trying to describe her ,I just could not believe it ,still can't, I guess when you think your husband is going to be unfaithful you think that it's going to be with a supermodel or some pretty temptress , not some hideously disgusting greasy looking woman.

I wish I could just have all that erased from my mind, so that I would never have to think about it again, feel the pain and heartache, the why's and what if's because for me they never seem to go away ,it's always right there and wish I didn't feel like such a fool for working it out . I feel like since we worked it out ,I am the wife who looked the other way ,or he got away with it ,its just complicated.