Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
So.... this morning, my H left his phone unlocked and got in the shower, so I picked it up and read his texts. Turns out he is still in touch with his AP. He has been begging her to meet. (She been ignoring him for weeks because she is angry he's still married.)
The last few weeks have actually been really great for us. Despite him still seeming, at times, sad and distracted, we've been connecting more and getting closer (and intimate...). I thought we were moving forward.
I tried to pretend I didn't see it but he could tell from my face that something was wrong so I told him what I saw.
He is angry that I hacked into his phone.
He said that he wants to see her because he needs closure. It's the only way he can move on. Is this "seeking closure" thing common or even real? Or is it him justifying his "fixes", still in the fog?
Do you think I was wrong to read his texts? Would you be upset if your BS read your texts?
Or, Do you think it's to be expected after being lied to and cheated on for almost 2 years?
Could he still be trying to keep us both? (Cake and all?) He says he's just trying to get closure and it doesnt matter...
think I'm becoming numb.
I'd really appreciate any advice you could offer.
First off, I'm sorry you're going thru this. I've been thru this myself.
Imo I DOUBT he was wanting to see her for closure. No one begs for closure they move on.
I maybe wrong, but he has disturbed your peace and so to me I would think you have a right to look at his texts. I know many ppl would disagree with me. But my motto is if you have nothing to hide then hide nothing. Yall should be able to use each other's phones like they your own bc y'all in a relationship. So there's my view on that.
I also agree with u on him trying to justify his fixes, more like his behavior. My ex did that too when I found out about his shit. If yall agree on zero contact with the broad it should stay that way.
I would suggest him changing his number and deleting her all together. No social media, no situations where he might encounter her, nothing at all. Bc if hes really done with her, he'll do that. Bc I agree could be him wanting his cake and eating it too. Like almost using your knowing about the affair as a weapon for him to continue the relationship.
If you're BOTH committed to this relationship. Then I would recommend couples therapy, clergy or individual support or therapy. There needs to be boundaries in the relationship that include the both of you. His cheating behavior is outside the boundary. The boundary needs to be the two of you committed to making this work.
And the not so positive side is if hes committed to being unfaithful he will. And whats done in the dark will come to the light.
Good luck to you!
I'm here if you need it
And you have a right to look at his phone any time you want to.
Did you expose his affair? To her family? His family? Friends?
He can write her a letter.. telling her it’s over do not contact me. I am working on my marriage. “I love my wife”
That’s the closure... not one more roll in the hay...
You should be able to pick up his phone at any time and go through it! You should do it often right in front of him. No more secrets.. this is how you guys got into this..
He will never unlock his phone. He said he’s telling the truth and I should trust him. And he’d be insulted if I asked him to (unlock his phone).
Yes yes. I know - huge red flags :(
Thank you again for your support!
I went through exactly the same thing. He is trying to keep his affair going.
You have the right to look at his phone any time you want. That's part of the deal of staying together.
Closure? Really? I agree - he can write a letter to her.
Out him? Absolutely! This is not your secret to keep. The more eyes there are on him, the better.
I would get my hands on his phone again and under her name, put your number. Then you will know when he is trying to call her.
You cannot trust him. There is not much you can do to make him stop. So now you have decisions to make.
Storm is right...
I hope you have the strength it’s going to be a long haul.