Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi All
I am trying to get some extra guidance from objective people. Please try and support and not judge.
My partner had an emotional affair 5 years ago. We were going through some major issues at the time and I never thought I would be able to forgive him. In the end, I did.
I promised myself NEVER to do that to anyone.
However, last summer, we had some discussions in regards to "opening our relationship", which included anything but sex (i.e. making out with others). We have been together for 8 years and at the time we were feeling very dull and communicated our feelings. We both agreed that having sex with others was out of the question. He went away for a month to have some "time for himself" due to issues he was dealing with his family, his life, and our relationship and we both agreed that opening things up would be ok.
Long story short - I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was out with friends at a bar one night and I ended up having too much to drink. There is NO excuse for what I am about to say. I had a one time affair with a stranger and had him back at our place. We were intimate. I will spare any details, but it almost lead to sex. Why did I do it? Perhaps out of anger for him leaving - still no excuse. I went a little too far based on what we agreed on.
Regardless, I had confessed my part to my partner after he had arrived home. He was ok with it. However, a month comes down the road and he deny's us ever having "that conversation before he had left". I told him that I had felt horrible about it and that I am being completley honest with him. I then felt like a complete idiot by trying to tell him "no thats not what we talked about".
Here is the catch - it has been one year later. I did not devulge the entire story to him. I confessed to him as to what I did - but what I did not do was tell him where it happened - and it makes me sick to my stomach the fact that I had another man in our house.
For the most part I am fine, but sometimes, this wave of "anxiety" and negativity comes back into my life and I find it very hard to deal with.
I am trying to move forward with this - but I know that telling him the details now of the "extras" would just make him very upset.
Even though I have confessed so to speak, I still feel very ill and not worthy as a person. I have gone through councelling, support groups - I am a good person with a good heart - although I have not "hurt" him as he says, I feel like I have really hurt myself. I no longer speak to my partner about what I am going through now because I feel that it is my bridge to fix since I have brought it upon myself. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself??
I just recently got hired in a new position with a great company, we are working hard on our relationship, and have a great life together overall.
Anyone been in a similar situation with someone who actually has remorse and a conscience and actually wants to move on with their life?
I am trying to get some extra guidance from objective people. Please try and support and not judge.
My partner had an emotional affair 5 years ago. We were going through some major issues at the time and I never thought I would be able to forgive him. In the end, I did.
I promised myself NEVER to do that to anyone.
However, last summer, we had some discussions in regards to "opening our relationship", which included anything but sex (i.e. making out with others). We have been together for 8 years and at the time we were feeling very dull and communicated our feelings. We both agreed that having sex with others was out of the question. He went away for a month to have some "time for himself" due to issues he was dealing with his family, his life, and our relationship and we both agreed that opening things up would be ok.
Long story short - I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was out with friends at a bar one night and I ended up having too much to drink. There is NO excuse for what I am about to say. I had a one time affair with a stranger and had him back at our place. We were intimate. I will spare any details, but it almost lead to sex. Why did I do it? Perhaps out of anger for him leaving - still no excuse. I went a little too far based on what we agreed on.
Regardless, I had confessed my part to my partner after he had arrived home. He was ok with it. However, a month comes down the road and he deny's us ever having "that conversation before he had left". I told him that I had felt horrible about it and that I am being completley honest with him. I then felt like a complete idiot by trying to tell him "no thats not what we talked about".
Here is the catch - it has been one year later. I did not devulge the entire story to him. I confessed to him as to what I did - but what I did not do was tell him where it happened - and it makes me sick to my stomach the fact that I had another man in our house.
For the most part I am fine, but sometimes, this wave of "anxiety" and negativity comes back into my life and I find it very hard to deal with.
I am trying to move forward with this - but I know that telling him the details now of the "extras" would just make him very upset.
Even though I have confessed so to speak, I still feel very ill and not worthy as a person. I have gone through councelling, support groups - I am a good person with a good heart - although I have not "hurt" him as he says, I feel like I have really hurt myself. I no longer speak to my partner about what I am going through now because I feel that it is my bridge to fix since I have brought it upon myself. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself??
I just recently got hired in a new position with a great company, we are working hard on our relationship, and have a great life together overall.
Anyone been in a similar situation with someone who actually has remorse and a conscience and actually wants to move on with their life?
The other option is just to decide it's past history and forget about it -- but it doesn't sound to me like that works for you.
BUT....
I think you should start the discussion by telling him that "I want to change houses" or "I want to redecorate the bedroom". When he asks why, then explain that you want to make the house/room something for the two of you to be proud of, and that you don't feel good about your home because.....
It will take him a long time to get over it, but when he does, you will both be free of guilt.
In the meantime, burn/destroy/give away anything that reminds you of the affair, e.g. the sheets you slept on, the sofa you cuddled on, etc.
Personally from what Ive read it sounds like the cheating or near cheating are signs that the relationship is troubled. He had the emotional affair and time out, you nearly physically cheated and you both agreed to an "open" relationship because you are both unhappy with the relationship. If all was good this wouldnt be happening. Maybe you did what you did because you felt insecure with your partner after what he did to you or maybe subconsciously to get back at him. I think its the relationship you should be focussing on and not on the cheating which is a symptom, if that makes sense.
Maybe try couple counselling or something to see if you can mend the relationship so you both dont feel the need to go outside it to get your needs met. good luck