I'm sorry you are still hurting. You are still trying to unravel the skein, which is totally understandable. I spent a lot of time doing the same thing. But then I came to understand a few things. They cheat because they WANT to. They don't really care about you the same way you care about them. It isn't reciprocal or equal. You give, they take. We give them credit for having the same values and concern we have about them, but they simply don't care about anyone but themselves. They are entitled and selfish. They don't do the right thing and break up with you before cheating because they either want to have their cake and eat it too, or they want to be in control of the exit plan and discard, or they are too afraid to do the right thing.

Spend time working on YOU. Become your best self in spite of what you've been through. Focus your time and energy on you and quit trying to figure him out. Never put anyone but yourself first. I did the same thing my whole life, but I have learned, changed and know better now.

I asked my CH the same question: How could you do this to me? The answer: I wanted to have sex with a bunch of different people. At least the answer was honest...

In the end it isn't about you at all. They don't and can't love anyone regardless of how great the partner is.. It's because the object of love is themselves and the other person is just a tool to bring them happiness and nothing more.

I agree with all of the posts. I spent 2 years crying and questioning myself of a relationship that I thought was with my soulmate. People that cheat are only thinking about themselves. You can be the greatest partner and it doesn't matter. They see something else that they want and go for it. they say they've changed. Bottom line is they are what they are. dishonest, cheaters. Try hard to pull yourself together. It isn't easy. Hugs to you!

Cheating is a selfish act, no argument there. People who cheat are also dishonest. But you have to remember there are also different types of cheaters and not all of us ( I have cheated, as well as been cheated on) cheat for the same reasons. Some do because they are in pain too. They hurt too. A relationship is made of two people. Communication needs to be there. If both or one want different things, then they need to move on. Ideally, without hurting the other person with cheating. But life is not ideal. You need to know that pain does end. Life does go on and people move on and away from experiences. Hearts heal. Sometimes it takes longer. But it does happen. Give yourself time to grieve and don't push your sadness away. Live it. Live through it. Focus on being a better and stronger and compassionate person. Accept things you can't change and know happiness is a choice. If depression becomes unbearable, seek help and support. It will get better.

all cheaters choose to shit on themselves, the betrayed feel soiled,

junetwentyseven --- you own no part of the cheaters choice

you weren't enough for the cheater because cheaters only take to fill the void in the character, the void can never be completely filled so they look for more

To say all cheaters are the same and cheat for the same reasons is like saying people are the same. Not all cheaters cheat to fill voids. Some cheat because they can, some because they need things they don't get at home, some because they are mismatched and deeply unhappy in their current relationships. Life is not black and white. Some people just make mistakes. The point here is that women always need the answer to their "why". why did he cheat? why did he leave? Sometimes there is no answer or explanation and agonizing over the why is a waste of time and energy. People need to focus on feeling better and finding their balance and happy place again and stop overthinking the past because it can't be changed.

all cheaters know that they are choosing hurtful actions and hide them, that is a major character flaw, the character flaw exists inside them, all cheaters own 100% of their choice to soil themselves
they may not cheat for the same reasons ... all of those reasons are self centered justification for cheater, so yes all cheaters are the same

in the end it doesnt matter....wether it was sexual, emotional, financial, etcl...is all about BETRAYAL....and abusing someones trust in you... There are no excuses for betrayal, none.....its done knowingly and willingly and you can only do it to someone that you know has placed trust in you.....

I don't think cheaters are looking for any excuses from anyone. Cheating is a selfish act and unless they are sociopaths, all of them know that. Nobody is disputing that it's wrong. But so is committing a crime and even with full prisons people still do it. Saying "all cheaters are the same" sounds like this person has been hurt by a cheater and has hard time to forgive and forget and move on. If someone cheats they are not fully invested in their relationship. They have made their choice and judging them or calling them names is not changing the facts. It's up to the other person to decide if they can forgive and work on the relationship or not. I have done both - forgave and walked away. It's all about how much you are vested in that relationship.

The focus here, as someone else said is not the other person and what they did to you. It's you and what you are doing to you. Focus on yourself and your own feelings and get out of this a better and stronger and happier person. You may never get your answers and that's ok, don't let this ruin your chances to be in a healthier, happier relationship in the future and build trust with someone else.