Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I find that I am wondering if I will ever be able to move past this , in the beginning I thought I could and put all behind us ,we decided to leave the past in the past ,and start doing new things, but lately this last week or so ,it just keeps creeping back into my mind ,like having flash backs about certain things that he did during that time ,the way he acted , lied.and it brings me down, I know he is trying but sometimes it is so hard . He gets up set , when I am upset and he knows why , I find that it's over small stuff , like when he had moved out he had bought some new cloths ,I asked him to toss them out and he could not understand it ,he did it but he was baffled I tried to explain , that in my mind I think you bought them to wear for her, or all his cologne , he does everything I ask but ,he even got rid of his cowboy boots that he bought when he was messing around , they were expensive and I Knew he didn't buy them for her but for him . but I can't not associate them with her ,am I crazy? if he does the slightest thing that is new ,like buy a book or look for music on line wich he had never done before I start thinking , that he is or has started up talking to her or something , , sometimes I am driving us both crazy. is there ever such a thing as punishing them too much?
This tendency by the cheaters to pout about the recovery time and effort being too much to bear is so consistent across experiences here. I think it either reveals that on the empathy - narcissism scale, they land all the way on the narcissism side. In some case, I think it's also a manipulation technique. Cheater to self: if I can make her think that she's crazy or that her "obsessing" over this event is going to damage our relationship beyond repair, I can force her to leave me alone and move on.
We need to do what we need to do to protect ourselves. If our spouses and SOs can't see that and continue to make everything about themselves, maybe it's time for us to move on.
Don't back down.
Speaking to the thought of recovery time is very important. It is going to take the rest of my life for us to recover from my infidelity. The most important part is that I am and was willing to re commit my entire life to fixing and repairing ALL the damage that I created. I think that one of the big issues is being committed to making up all the time that I stole from my family and the most amazing woman in the world, "My Wife".
Commitment is the key!!!!!
I don't know how you could possibly stress this to your SO without sparking a heated debate. I think that something has to be a trigger to get the person re commit to the relationship. One of the things that we did was to try to get back to the basics. We started to go away for weekends and to try to spend more time alone, (without children). That allowed us to be children again ourselves. One weekend we went to a bed and breakfast in the country, about 3 hours from where we live. The next day we took our GPS and just entered all these city centers and drove to them. We would stop on these mountain roads and have picnics and enjoy the scenery. All in all we were able to rekindle the fire that was always there at the beginning of our marriage.
Now we are inseparable again. I wish the same for all of you.