Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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StrawberryBoots 07/04/2017

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years now, engaged for 3 months. I have always known he had a problem with emotionally straying from the relationship.. however over the last 6 months I thought I was seeing change. But just 1 week ago while trying to recover something that I accidentally deleted on my phone, his phone also came up. And instead of ignoring it like I should have.. I took a look into his deleted text messages. And found what I had feared all along, that he was not just emotionally cheating but physically as well. He was honest this time for the most part... he did lie about a few things and he lied about having contact with her just that morning. They did stop sleeping together in February but that does not even matter. I don't understand why he would ask me to marry him when he can't stay faithful. I am embarrassed and confused. We bought a house together about 3 years ago and that has been the hardest part about splitting, giving up my first home. On that note I don't feel this is my home knowing now that he has had sex with somone other than me in this house... I am disgusted, hurt and embarrassed. I know I should leave I know I should end things but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want anything from him... except maybe more of his love. But even if I could look at him the same way again could he ever look at me and be proud of himself? I'm in schoool full time and it's all I can do to stay on track to graduate in December of this year as it is. I don't want to start a new relationship but I want children and I'm not getting any younger. I need advice, encouragement.. resources.. anything.

refurb 07/04/2017

Very sad to hear your circumstances,
Point blank
If you want children he ain't the guy
Ideally, children pick up on each parent respecting the other, this guy does not respect you in any way
Children are precious and they are work, this guy hasn't even faced life yet and his character had already caved
And
He doesn't love you

You deserve so so so much better

trisha9054 07/04/2017

I agree with refurb. The worst thing you could do is bring children into this relationship. Would you really want children caught between you and a cheating father?

Confused26 07/04/2017

This is terrible, and it sucks for everyone. This site is very helpful with so many people going through the same thing. If it were me, it would be tough to get out of a house that you called home. I would try to work things out, but it's a rocky road and if both aren't committed it's pointless. I'm in the stage of giving it my all, to for sure know it won't work, before I go on with divorce. Tough because we have a 2 year old daughter, and part of me wants to stay and work it for her sake. Keep asking questions people are great on here.
Best of luck

Lenoire 07/05/2017

My advice is to fake it until you graduate, then get yourself a job and distance yourself from him. If he had contact with her, "just this morning," he's still having sex with her, don't be naive.

When you say, "He was honest this time for the most part... he did lie about a few things and he lied about having contact with her just that morning," you're saying you're used to his lies, and accept them for the most part. Allowing him to lie to you, when you know he's lying, enables him to continue on lying, and you're creating an environment where he can lie and cheat with little to no repercussions.

Is this the man you want your children to learn practical skills from? Is this the type of life you want to live? Knowing all of this about him, yet still wanting some love from him, is an emotional trap that he's set for you, and you've fallen for it.

You would gain an important and realistic perspective of your situation if you were to seek the help of a trained therapist. Together you can figure out why you would place yourself and your future in such a precarious situation. And why or how you would trust someone who has repeatedly lied and cheated on you, yet still consider marrying and having children with him. I don't think he will change, not while he's with you anyway. He won't change, but you need to.

Wishing you well.

StrawberryBoots 07/05/2017

Thank you for all the advice! I do plan on staying until I finish school, i agree that we need therapy and have pushed it for some time now, up until not my schedule has not allowed it. He is a man of great character, and he will make a great father someday his flaw is with staying faithful, I do believe he try's and wants to be faithful but has many insecurities.. which I cannot fix. I have stayed because he is a wonderful man in every other aspect, has taken over the house while I am in my medical program and pushes me through it. But I can't keep doing it with nothing changing.

escritordeverdad 07/05/2017

You're going to graduate in December! That's your focus, your ticket, your gold. I think we all innately feel that life isn't worth the effort if we don't have someone to share it with, but I think it's important to remember that creating a life that you're proud of is a life worth sharing with someone else. Don't let this define or discourage you. The house is just a thing; the guy is just a person. Your heart is what makes the value of your life, so serve your heart well. Be good to you and don't settle for anyone unwilling to do the same.

Lenoire 07/06/2017

Believing that he is a man of great character when he cheats, and believing he'd make a great father, when he'd be a cheater by example to his children, tells me that you are either very young, or not so smart.

Wishing you well.

StrawberryBoots 07/06/2017

I'm 28 still young I guess you could say but at the moment I'm going to say I'm old enough to know better, and feel extreamly dumb for allowing it to even go on this long. Part of me is just exauhsted... tired of fighting it... I don't really have a great family and his family has become part of my life and It is hard to walk away from them...

refurb 07/06/2017

wow, men of great character don't lye, cheat and expose someone that they profess to care about to STD's and emotional trauma
please don't procreate until you get your head out of ---- ---

Krissy36 07/06/2017

It's such emotional torture. ..I'm going through it now..even though supposedly the cheating period is over, I don't trust him at all...anything remotely weird, any weird feeling I get, any weird action from him- I think it's happening again. It's a horrible way to live. I feel trapped also and wishing never met him in the first place..anyway though, if you want a baby, that could be your motivation to leave. That and what if you get pregnant by him and he gives you an STD? And it would just tie you to him and this painful experience forever. It's easy to say move on, but hard to do. ..

Lenoire 07/07/2017

All I hear are excuses and they're not even valid ones. Anyone who would consider starting a family in the toxic environment you describe, using the excuse of being too tired to fight, is far from being ready to do so in a responsible manner.

Wishing you well.

jennifera 07/07/2017

Men of great character don't do this to someone they pledged the rest of their life too.
Men of great character don't deceive those they are closest to.
And he will teach his children that it is okay to cheat and deceive. Children learn what they live and very frequently the cycle will continue.
This is not a healthy relationship. In healthy relationships there are no lies, deception, wondering what people are doing or if they are telling the truth.
You are a smart girl, find someone that values you and appreciates you. Don't tolerate disrespect.

chantanafah 08/03/2017

Some time i just wonder how difficult it's to be faithful to once spouse. 6 month ago i started noticing some funny behavior with from my husband and i felt he was cheating on me. so i decided to look for a way to spy on my husband. I never knew that a phone could be hacked without having physical access with it,all this hacker asked for were a few information on my partner and he showed me proof immediately he got into the phone. I immediately paid him and got everything that my husband had been hiding..he was having an affair with two other women which was sickening i must say. We had a long talk on phone and he agreed to help me. I will be nice enough to give u this hacker's details but remember to mention chantana refereed u!! Have fun finding out the truth!
contact: spy4me.leonard @gmail.com and his mobile Number is +1 (201) 373-6859.

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