Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
this isnt the first time ive asked this question, but i need reassurance...on dday I choose not to know details..now 2 years later i find myself tryin to find her on facebook..i know, im nuts!! i dont even have a name!! i choose not to know because we are reconciling and i knew i couldnt if i knew to much...i love him,i want to be with him forever..but wat if that bitch shows up on my doorstep one day sportin a kid that looks like mine??supposedly she has no way of reachin him unless she searched for him..so wat if she got preggo and jus couldnt find him??UUUgggg im sick of thinkin bout this....but if i find out her name and try so serach for her thats gunna just add a new trigger to the already long list, and who wants that?? im just frustrated,please tell me im crazy and not knowing is better!! and that if she did get preggo she could hav found him easily 2 years ago!!!!!!!!he was travelling working and he was across the country from me,supposedly they never spoke on the phone but they did wok at the same place for the same company..i guess she knew his real name??who knows???but he does have a very common name.....sum support please....will this pain and torture ever stop???
I think if it's been this long, maybe you should pull in the reigns and focus on you and the relationship but also perhaps you could tell him you have been a bit paranoid/concerned about the possibility of her contacting him, being pregnant back then and things like that. He has to understand this affair though passed affects you deeply, even nonw.
Not knowing is better at this stage i think hun. You are not nuts but do tell him you need the reassurance and honesty.
Last night i dreamt i was asking him WHY? And he started saying things and i got upset, so it does stay with you. In that sense i do regret looking. I have a picture now that won't go away (attractive or not).
BUT it is fresh. If it was 2yrs down the track i'd probably hope that i wouldn't want to see it. I don't know if that helps you.
I guess the thing is, do you feel you forgave him before you really got the answers and info you needed? Maybe it's worth telling him this, so you can finally lay it to rest more, just by saying it?
My H asked me once why I ask so many questions. I told him that the more I know about her, the less scary she is. The more I know about the A, the less I feel like an outsider in their world.
Do I wish there were things I didnt know? Of course. There are things that cause me great anguish and I would prefer to have never been put in this situation. The thing is, knowing gives me a greater sense of control. While I cant change what has already happened, it helps me to understand where his head it at. Believe me when I tell you that knowing the details might be the deal breaker for some.
We are doing well and even the counselor is intruiged by our ability to discuss the details like friends rather than 2 people who are deeply hurt. Be careful what you wish for.....
Who says you can't ask NOW? Who says you can't go to your H and say, 'Hey, I need to know who this person was. I thought I didn't need to but it turns out, this is one huge sticking point for me. I was wrong some time ago when I told you I didn't want to know. Turns out, I do. So, who was it?'
I hear you on this one. I needed to know the name of that person. I needed to know what name to listen for and keep myself intuned to. I needed to know who to never let my guard down with.
We all deserve to know the face of your deepest enemy, don't we? After all, if you want to shit all over my life, at least look me in the face...
my two cents, L~