Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members

18,074 Posts

1 Online

Hmph 08/12/2010

Consider this: The prince/princess that you thought you married, or was having a serious relationship with, hasn't left the building -- because he/she was never there to begin with. That's something that I had to come to terms with for myself. My H never really was the knight that I made him out to be in my head. He always had narcissistic personality disorder. I chose to overlook it, in pursuit of our R. I know this now, because as we all know, hindsight is 20/20. This is another reason that Ns just walk around like nothing ever happened after D-Day. Because they never changed. They just got caught being themselves. Search your mind about your R history. Can you remember you SO behaving questionably and you simply brushing it off as a personality quirk, because you wanted the R so bad?!!!

deleted_user 08/12/2010

I think we've all been there. I ignored a couple of things very early in the relationship. I honestly didn't think much on them at the time. Just a couple of things that made me go 'hmmmmmm'.

Lstecker 08/13/2010

Oh yeah...but I brushed it off/ignored it/let it roll off my shoulders because I had said 'for better or for worse.'

Ha...I divorced him when he had the girlfriend. THAT was not part of MY vows...Nope, didn't miss that...

I also had to accept that the guy I thought I had never was really there. And when we tried to reconcile? And failed? I had to accept that he could never be who I wanted/needed him to be.

I finally quit banging my head against the wall.

No more headaches. Good thing!

L~

Hmph 08/13/2010

Right, all. I mean, how many times do we hear, "What happened to the wonderful guy/girl I married?'' They're really good at charming us into believe that they have no faults. That's where control and manipulation really begin. We've been had. But it's good to come out on the other side and say, "never again!'' And mean it.

beckychurcher 08/13/2010

Oh yes, now I look back and realise that I was always being controlled and manipulated, but he was very very good at it. I am no fool myself (but love is blind)

He still tries to manipulate what I do, but now I know that side of him and recognise what he's doing I just won't allow it to happen,he has a hissy fit every time like a child.

Never saw it before, but god damn see it now.

He even says I have to help him find somewhere to live (kicked him out) and when I refuse to help him in any way he has this megga tantrum, in fact it's funny to watch.

But it does make me really see him for what he is:
A child, a liar, a cheat.

deleted_user 08/13/2010

I was blind but now I see, comes to mind.

deleted_user 08/14/2010

Hi! That's exactly right. I too should have known bettter. He even told me he wasn't sure if he was ok enought to be in a commited relationship. But I thought our love (read infatuation) was so strong it would heal anything he's been through.Infatuation passed, real life kicked in and his commitment fobia kicked in. After seven years of marriage he is letting me go to, he is man enough now to admit he still isn't any good at being a husband

deleted_user 08/14/2010

THis reminds me of a saying I seen on facebook:

My knight & shining armor turned out to be an idiot in tin foil.

Thats all I can say :D

Join the Conversation