I would also wonder if he is still contacting her. Lots of cheaters paint their OW as psychos (only once the affair is discovered) who "won't leave them alone" in order to continue to fool the trusting spouse. Not saying this is the case with you, but it is a red flag. Read my post "Welcome to the newly betrayed" to see if anything there resonates with you. Actions must match words...always be on the lookout for any mismatch. Best of luck to you!

You need to make sure he is not lying to you and track his phone and social media. Trust but verify. If he gives you any issues with doing that, then he is lying to you and you need to leave.

He's never acted like she was a psycho but he didn't even realize he had feelings for her until I found out he just considered her a friend he would meet up with her and have fun with her drinking and it finally led to them sleeping with each other any ways after finding out i told him if he had any feelings for her he needed to figure that out on his own he said he realized he did but he didn't want to be with her he wanted to work things out with us if I was willing which I was but I do believe he has told her numerous times he doesn't want her I've seen the messages I kept telling him she was in love with him and she wasn't going to leave him alone but anyways that was two years ago and our relationship has actually gotten ten times better then it was for years we still have rough times but we get through them easier I just don't understand why she keeps on its obvious he isn't gonna leave and be with her and after years since the had the affair why doesn't she let it go and leave him alone I just don't understand I do watch for the red flags or try to at least but it's hard because he works away from home a lot im just confused im not gonna sugarcoat what he did but he actually a really good man who made a big mistake I've actually seen a counlser for a year about this and it's not that he is a bad guy because he isn't he always taken care of his family and has always treated me like a queen so going through this was the hardest thing the world for me I could keep going on about my story and if anyone wants hear more I'm glad to tell more but I usually don't put my business out there like that I'm just trying to figure out maybe how i should deal with this if she pops up wanting to contact him again the last time was a month ago she tried to text him from her friends phone and talk to him to which he told her again to leave him alone he was happy and didn't want her contacting him through her friends or anyway else so I just have a feeling it will happen again because it hasn't stopped in the 4 years he has known her

I do track all his things and he knows I do that he knows I can find him in a minute he actually thinks it's funny and we joke about it he will give me his phone no issues

And I have also confronted her at least a few times and some of that was more than words when i confronted her because she showed up at his friends house where he was at drinking so I showed up too....needless to say she should have got the point then and the reason she knew he was there is because of one of his friends that's why she showed up and then I was told she was there

Is this a borderline stalking thing that could be brought to the attention of the police? I'm not sure where you are and what the laws are, but most places in the US your husband could at least file some sort of stalking or harassment complaint with the police I would think. Maybe working the legal angle will help your husband be rid of her.

Really don't want to go that route but if she doesn't stop then it may be something we have to do!! But there is always that that thought that I'm just looking stupid and I just don't see something so I guess time will tell and we will see how it plays out if something comes up again

It's a red flag when you believe your cheating spouse to be a good person who just made a mistake. Make sure that there isn't any self deception that is keeping you from considering or believe that he is still actively in contact with this girl.

If this is really a crazy ex affair partner then police need to be involve to get a restraining order.

The interesting thing is whether your husband agrees to this or how he reacts.

My suggestion on him being a good person is because I don't think anybody is perfect people make mistakes and being with someone since we were teenagers we have had to do a lot of growing up together he isn't abusive he works hard for his family has always taken care of me and our kids we have never wanted for anything so that's what I mean he has always been a good but people also have their own demons they struggle with and yes we were in a bad place when this affair happened.....and I was always one of those people who isn't a very forgiving person so I would have been the first to tell someone is they got cheated on that they needed to leave the person but then I found my self in that situation I've seen cheating destroy so many in my life that I didn't want to just give up if we could work through it then I was willing but if not then so be it i do get that if he is the one that messed up and he is the one who needs to make things right but I also know that we both have to change and work together we had start over again and either it will make us better or it tears us apart and it has not been easy by no means but it's a process we go through everyday.....and I'm not saying everybody should be given a second chance if they have cheated because everyone situation is different but I do know that it is very hard to give up on someone you have been with over half of your life anyways just a few thoughts and yes I too wonder what he might say if I suggested the police but I also do not like getting law enforcement involved because we have actually had a few situations we have had the police involved not from this situation but family issues and I live in a small town and a lot of the police around here don't really care about things like that but it if it comes to it I will push the contacting the police for harassing him if it continues

Here is another issue I'm having which just happened today a few hours ago.....we live in another town from her but the town I live in is small so we have to go to the other town to shop or whatever so I run into this dumb b**** from time to time I see her around sometimes but I don't think she sees me I'm just more aware of my surroundings when I go to town because I don't like seeing her in places I'm at but i literally have to drive by the place she works( a bar) occasionally because I have to make deposited for my job and her work is right across the street which sucks but i deal with it i hardly ever see her in the passing it's a bar so it really isnt open at the times I go unless it's later in the day but here I am at the store shopping I check out and i am leaving the store when I notice this chick with awful looking hair I'm thinking to myself that girl looks nasty when to my surprise she turns her head and it's that ***** i am truly not a viloent person I have never been physical to another person in my life but as I stated before I had confronted Her after the affair without words but in that moment I seriously wanted to snatch her head off her head right then and there she seen me and started starring at me I immediately ignored her and didn't look her way because I probably would have flew into a rage and gotten physical and also I had my 10 year old child with me .......... so that is another issue i deal with ......everything will be going good and boom there she is......ive considered moving but I'm not willing to uproot my kids and everything we have worked hard for all the years because we literally have worked our asses off for everything we have and my kids have been here all their lives

Sounds like you handled this challenge well. Since there is a chance you may run into her again, learn the art of looking through someone, like they don't exist for you at all. Keep your composure. Then when you're in a safe place, feel what you feel and allow those feelings to wash over you. Try the corkscrew method when you're done feeling the feelings. Imagine the feelings swirling in a particular direction. Now slowly reverse that direction (like an aircraft carrier pulling a u-turn in the middle of the ocean). It will take however long it takes to turn that vessel of emotions around. Let it happen. Then move on.

Thank you betrayed to death some of these suggestions and replies habe really helped the past week or so I wish i had found this group when I was going through all this it really is nice to just come on here and vent a little and see some suggestions it does give me a little more peace With how I'm still dealing three years after finding out