It was nice how he used scripture for coverage on that one. Did it make you respect him more or less that he tried to soft pedal it religion?

You are reeling from this very profound trust violation. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's hard to pretend he's a good guy gone astray when it happened more than once. Was he ever faithful at any point for an extended period of time? I mean totally faithful in that he not only wasn't sleeping with another woman, but wasn't looking for a hookup, meeting them for lunches in the middle of his work day, flirting with women in person or by text hoping it would turn into sex. Cause all that counts as cheating. It takes a lot of leg work to have several affairs in an 8 year marriage.

You have just scratched the surface of learning about it. Unfortunately, he's the only one reporting information and cheaters always skew the conversation to make themselves seem less malignant. Whatever he tells you, multiply that about 4 or 5.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. As I read your post, I remember that very same pain. Rage and sorrow like I had never felt before. While I'm not always on board with what gutted says, I do see the point she made about bringing religion into it. That wasn't a fair thing to do. I'm sure you are feeling so devastated so take some time to think about how you're coping and how you are taking care of yourself. Remorse is a funny thing, I don't think it can be said, but rather lived and reinforced in a daily way. Is he sorry he got got? Is he sorry that he did it multiple times? Is he really sorry for what he's done? Who knows. It's a horrible roller coaster. Maybe there's something worth saving I don't know. A lot of people mention that those first moments of "truth" are just the surface of betrayal. In my experience more things come to light as you both process what has happened. I wish you lots of light. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for the support. He stated that it was a total of 1.5 years altogether. You are right. Time will tell :-)

So sorry for what your going through. Your words are probably summing up the exact same feeling every BS feels, its so recognizable.
All your feelings, its so normal to feel them. You just found out, you're still in the shock stage.
2 facts are though that CS usually trickle the truth, so be prepared for a lot more truth, until you feel and see in his eyes he has hit his rock bottom until then you can count on that you don't know the full truth.

second please I strongly recommend you stop asking details. I can understand details like where were you then etc. but DONT ask sexual details, this absolutely doesn't help you, it will break you. You need to be able to ask your questions whenever you want and he needs to answer them, but sexual details will only make you feel worse.

You say your in MC, its a little quick, as I think its important that both of you get some individual counseling first especially him, he has a long process to go to start looking deep inside himself as to how he was able to do this.

I understand the feeling of disgust disbelieve. I have asked him over and over again how could you, but there's no helpful answer, They are different than we thought, this the worst fact. We thought they shared our values, morals and empathy, but they didn't, they were not who we thought they were. That and the lying were the worst for me to wrap my head around.
Mine to had several sexual encounters, no affairs, I can get past the sexual encounters, but the lies and realization of how he was able to hurt me like that are much worse.

As much as Im on your side, I see 1 positive thing if you want to hear it: he told you instead of you finding out, that's huge, most cheaters get caught. He also takes the full blame, which is also very positive. There's a good post further down "welcome to the newly betrayed" for you to look at and see if your CS is following all the right steps of being remorseful.
Its so fresh for you, there's no need to make rushed decisions, right now your in the shock phase, after this the anger will come and that will take a while.
If you want to try to reconcile if he's remorseful and following "the rules" than give it a lot more time, if you need some distance to think, take it, get individual counseling if you want and find a friend to talk to about this.
Get STD tested, I'm sorry to say it, but you need to think of your own health, cheaters don't use protection.
Give things some time, it will take months for the explosion in your head to settle and to start to see things clear. it also takes time for him to see if he is able to change or that hes not going to work hard.

Good luck, your sure not alone

Thank you for directing me to the new member post thread. STD testing was the first things we did. Thank God we are both clean..it was very humiliating and hurtful. He has given me access to his phone. He leaves it around bc he said he knows it's important. I check our cell phone account daily for text and calls. He text me the address of where he is..and a contact number. He calls frequently. counseling is both together is separate. The counselor stated that the prognosis is positive bc she can tell.thatake he is not happy with what he did. She is very honest..

Sorry forgot to add, I agree..I don't trust him. I have to get confirmation of what he says. As my counselor says, time will tell. She said that I shouldnt consider forgiveness until 6 months at.least..she is a guide to help

Not much to add as it seems like the things may possibly work out.

As noted, confessing rather than being caught is important. It definitely is a boost for healing.

He seems to be taking the right actions since confessing.

Be patient with yourself, it is a slow process to forgive and to trust. Cheap forgiveness and naïve trust can't be part of the new marriage.

He needs time to grow as a person who has significant character deficiencies and for you to see the changes and acknowledge them.