Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

The early stages

Skeeter08
Skeeter08

So it's only been a week since my best friend/wife crushed my heart. What I'm struggling with right now is the words that I loved to hear for so long feel meaningless. The normal stuff like pictures, funny snaps, and the big I LOVE YOU dont seem to do anything right now. I like seeing she still says it but she's never stopped while having her affair. Is this normal or is it telling me it's over  

movingon2016
movingon2016
Did she fall in love with him as well? Or was it just physical? Either way I know it does not help to know. You are going through grieving process. It will be a while before you move on. Take the time to grieve and do not make any snap decisions in this process. This is normal. Feeling this way is normal.

When you are ready to make the decision to stay or go, you will know. You will not have to ask us if it is time. You might ask for validation but you will know.
Skeeter08
Skeeter08
She said she did say she loved him but admits that's she might just be in love with the idea more then him.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
A week in is a bad time to make any large decisions. I think through counseling and talking to her it may help you get all the facts and at some point in the future you may be in a better position to make decisions.

The love questions is a loaded question because people who commit adultery rarely have any real understanding of what love really is. The feeling of being in love perhaps but not sacrificial love for your spouse. It is easy to love how people make you feel and wanting the best for yourself, but very different for loving someone as a person and wanting the best for them.

The words "I love you" seem meaningless because you don't believe they represent loving actions that make them true.
Lenoire
Lenoire
It does not mean it's over, and as many have said, don't expect to make decisions for a number of months.

Ask her to stop saying I love you, because it's triggering you. She said it while having the affair and they're silly words she uses to ensure a place in your heart, they do nothing for the betrayed spouse except cause further hurt.

Photos are also a big trigger, and now is not the time to reminisce over how good it once was. I have news for you, it will never be that way again, never. Those innocent thoughts and all that other fluff that we create in our minds to feel secure in a relationship, have tumbled, and you must rebuild new fluff, to make you feel secure. Attempting to hold onto that way of thinking is not conducive to reconciliation. The union you once had is dead, and it must be mourned. If you want a future with her, you must rebuild from the ground up, and not on your current shaky foundation.

Once we alleviate ourselves from the bonds of our lofty thoughts, we are able to think more clearly and see things for what they truly are.