This morning I put my children on the bus for school, took a deep breath & realized I need some help! I've been reading alot of your posts, researching the whys of infidelity & even talked to a therapist. (once) i'm hoping hearing some of your advice & opinions will help me put a little perspective on my situation....so here it goes:
I have been in a relationship for 7 years, have 4 children from my previous marriage (twins age 8, a 10 & 12 year old) My significant other has been in every aspect of our life together amazing! He treats my children as if they are his own. Our intimate life has been incredible & he is the first man I have been completely comfortable with & totally myself with! In our 7 years together we of course have had ups and downs, such as financial issues & blended family problems, but never anything major and always seemed to bring us closer. In April of this year, my brother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. This is my only sister's husband and we are very close! Again, this seemed to make our relationship even stronger & on Mother's Day he proposed to me with all our children present!
Fast forward to August 21, 2012, everyone is sleeping & I am up talking to my sister with another one of our late night cry sessions.(This has been unbarably hard) my s.o.'s phone goes off & it's a text. Mind you it's after midnight so I am thinking maybe it's one of his daugters with an emergency. I never have checked his phone or felt the need to. It is a text from a woman thanking him for a "great time today & let's do it again" i can not even begin to describe the feeling! I called the number & she hung up on me. I then looked the number up online & the floor fell out from under me! It was a prostitute! He admitted it, told me it happened once before right after our engagement. He doesn't know why he did it, he's soooo sorry (ugh....,) oh and he's been addicted to porn his entire adult life! He has since removed all porn sites from phone/internet & even blocked them, he checks in often & it almost seems as if it never happened! BUT NOT FOR ME!!!! :(
I love him, i really do....I just don't know how to get past this! I check his phone, his email, i question him & I hate it! The trust is totally gone for me & i hate how it makes me feel. I have absolutely noone to talk to & can not burden my sister/my best friend with this! She is watching her husband die & her whole world fall apart & i think it would be selfish to lean on her. Went to a therapist and he took his $125.00 an hour and told me I have a decision to make! Well no sh#$ Sherlock!
I just need someone to help me understand, i could definately use a friend or if anyone has had anything similar happen, what did you do? I'm sorry this is so long but as i'm typing the tears are flowing & i must say it feels good! I've had to be so strong these past few months & it's nice to get this burden off my chest! Thanks so much for listening!