I agree that sometimes the support forums can get my anger going. Futhermore, it can create more triggers for me. All in all, however, it has helped me more than hurt.

Excellent question, Mel! When I was in the middle of all the s**t, I spent hours and hours of my time on these message boards. As my H and I began to get along better, I realized that spending so much of my time doing only this pretty much kept me from having a life and do not spend nearly as much time as I used to doing this.

Do other things, enjoy yourself. Do what feeds your soul. In my case that is bellydancing, reading, writing, music, practicing Wicca, petting my dog and cat, talking to and seeing my son.

I think when you realize it is hurting you or causing you to feel more negative than positive more times than it helps- its time to leave- or find one that has more people with a positive outlook. It is a very slippery slope to clinical depression when you constantly dwell in your anger and sadness. You need time to grieve, but you should also be having positive moments in your life.

Journaling helped get rid of a lot of it. Being able to write down all of those thoughts and feelings, then being able to walk away from them was a huge relief.

Sometimes you will find that it's easy for people on here to rag on each other because they don't associate the avatars we use with the fact that there's an actual human being on the other side of it.

What I found helped me the most was to talk to people who had been through similar situations, read their journals (and hopefully they read yours) and you find it is much easier to get through this with other people than it is by yourself.

The boards do not have to be the main reason you are here. They may be more interesting and exciting sometimes, but the people are the main reason to be here. Once you start finding connections in your journals with others, finding that no you aren't crazy, finding that other people would probably have reacted the same way you would have, the boards will start to fade away. But you stop back to see what's going on, and try to help out new people who are in the shoes you were in when you first got here.

Well recognizing that some of this isn't healthy for you would be a good sign. Figure out where you are and what your goal in being here is and use the posts that help you get to that goal.

If I find a post and began to feel uncomfortable reading it, I move on. I have enough things to think about in this mess without projecting other people's issues into mine. Just because someone else's spouse is doing or has done something doesn't mean mine is doing the same.

Some cheating stories are similar, but there are different variables to each one. We are all going through similar situations, but we are not all going through the same situation. So there is nothing wrong with our reactions being different.

I agree, like many of us, i was on this site everyday in the beginning, it helped me so much and i value the fridships i have developed here. but there was a time when i could tell it started to get to me and rather than help seemed to trigger bad thoughts again..I did not want to leave this site and lose the friends i made, so i just stopped comming everyday for a while and now I check in every few days and that works for me.....

Well the first thing that can be done is to "NOT POINT FINGERS"....The post and/or the forums does not "REVOLVE' around you. We all have our "OWN" opinions and as a memeber for over 2 years will post as I see fit. I think it was as tacky as you can get for reporting my post as abuse and I have done the same for you..however I'll take it a step further due to the fact that I have been here for quite some time and because you don't agree with what I say..you make false claims against me...even after I apologized to you (when I did nothing to you or did not have to apologize). However it just confirms what I said yesterday that your issues are greater than me. And guess what I'm still here posting today as usual and I'm still going to cheat on my husband and post whatever I feel I want to post. I have in no way been offenseive to anyone on this forum..and I WILL NOT TIP TOE around here because of you. Be a adult woman although it may be rather hard for you and realize that it's just like being in scholl sweetcakes...you take YOUR WON LEAD. If my post are not for you...don't address them...don't comment on them.....hit the next one....direct that anger to your cheater and not me......your pathetic...Now I'll file the same abuse report against you..however since I was the poster and you CHOSE to comment on my post and feel the need to BLANTANTLY lie and say I abused you in some form....I'll have them look into this a bit further and see what is is I can have done for your unjust attack and defemation of my character........ Good Morning everyone else. I hope you all have a good day..I'll be posting again later today..have a great one....

Just for the record...I didn't report any posts or threads. I posted my views on the topic in that thread, that is all.

I have no idea who reported it. The thread was gone when I came here last night.

I agree with you Mel, this forum has helped me a great deal but sometimes it just fuels my unhealthy thoughts. Sometimes it's due to the responses by some of the members. There are definitely a few on here that just like to provoke everyone else because they are so bitter and angry. Most of us however are hurting just like you and are willing to share our stories and help whenever we can.

When some of the members here get out of control I message my friends rather than post on the thread. By posting it seems to just inflame them more causing them to strike out at other members. They are just not worth my time or effort.

Please know that there are more of us here that want to help than there are that want to hurt.

I too found it hard to come on here once things started settling down but I come back occassionaly just to see how everybody else is doing. ANd yes there are some very bitter people on here that I don't even bother responding to anymore simply because they are so deep in their own sh-t that nothing they say is any benefit to me and not worth a reply. We all have to recognize when it is doing more harm than good and steer clear of the crap, goodness knows we're dealing with enough crap already. But hang in there and come back when you need to, hugs to you.

I understand what you are saying, I left this particular group 3 times now! Not because of any specific member, I think everyone here is great. I found it to be triggering some unhealthy emotions and obsession.
Now, I just find myself being much more careful about what I read and take in.

When I started reaching out to a support group I was ready to accept what was going on and I also needed to know I'm not alone and that my thoughts are not irrational. I have found some of the MOST WONDERFUL People on here. That gave support, gave ideas, suggestions, who have gotten angry w/ me hell I can go as far as saying getting even for me. LOL. So, it does not cause me to obsess about my situation it just sheds light on it in a different perspective.

Since I'm right smack dab in the middle of my situation, my judgement gets clouded. The friends I've made here on DS, don't hold back and they give me HONEST feed back. I like that and I need that.

Oh, brother here I go rambling again. Anyway, it's all in how you look at it. But we are glad your here!!!!