Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have two friends that have been cheated on both guys both BS. These are their stories. Please add comments for these are only my observations.
The first goes something like this WS meets some new dude AP floods WS with BS and nonsense the WS eats it up (no idea how WS could not think this guy is just saying BS to get in my pants) she is/was married for 14 years 2 kids loves the attention and drama/excitement of this new situation (I personal cant stand drama).
WS asks BS to move out BS has no idea whats going on thinks he has done something wrong - but moves out thinking space is needed. BS comes around to the house often to help fix things cut grass etc he is basically a real nice guy.
Fast forward to him finding out about A that has been going on under his nose fast forward to divorce process and him moving on with new GF WS relationship with Mr upstanding citizen I mean evil AP implodes within itself and WS now has major change of heart and wants BS back big time.
Even tells BS that he can still have his new GF and be with WS I personally think that is the major guilt talking there that you see he can do it to me like I did it to you (cheat on me with someone else) and my sins are magically erased cause your doing it to me. BS wants zero to do with WS and it is over. Too bad for WS lessons learned the hard way or could they had been avoided if only for communication and better cooping mechanisms. Is this a lesson that really needed to be learned? Its probably one of the dumbest lessons you can ever learn in your whole life it ranks up there with look thats hot wonder what happens when I touch it.
2nd story.
Pretty much the same scenario as above as they are all BS doesnt see it coming fast forward to the divorce is almost final and BS is now with super sweet new GF and once the divorce is over the BS wants to get married to this new sweet heart well guess who doesnt want to go through with the divorce you got it the WS. She wants the BS back after her fling went from hot to freezing cold and also imploded in a manner of months.
What is working here with these cases I ask myself. I think a lot of it has to do with these items
We dont know what we have until its gone
The WS now see their BS as a real challenge and crazy folk love challenges cause they dont know how to live life from its core the simple things that make people happy like a good movie around a fire place or just walking with the family.
For women who cheat I think they see their BS as a alpha male again once he has processed and moved on they had lost some respect or had some resentment and now view their BS as the alpha male women always tend to go towards the stronger male and they now want that stronger male back cause heck this other female now wants him and I cant have him anymore. Childish as all hell.
For men at least I know for myself I cant be with a women intimately knowing she was with some other guy and knowing they probably did xyz. Every time I would get intimate I would know that in the back of my mind and I could get passed that so for me thats a real deal breaker. Now if I was like a AP mentality well I could sleep with whoever and none of that would bother me in the least bit. But I actually have morals and values so it bothers me.
Once a partner engages in the lying and deceit game and that is the one person the one person you are suppose to be able feel protected by that person you are suppose to be able to trust more so then anyone else in the whole world and that one person shows their true colors those colors are forever engrained on them like a zebra suit.
The first goes something like this WS meets some new dude AP floods WS with BS and nonsense the WS eats it up (no idea how WS could not think this guy is just saying BS to get in my pants) she is/was married for 14 years 2 kids loves the attention and drama/excitement of this new situation (I personal cant stand drama).
WS asks BS to move out BS has no idea whats going on thinks he has done something wrong - but moves out thinking space is needed. BS comes around to the house often to help fix things cut grass etc he is basically a real nice guy.
Fast forward to him finding out about A that has been going on under his nose fast forward to divorce process and him moving on with new GF WS relationship with Mr upstanding citizen I mean evil AP implodes within itself and WS now has major change of heart and wants BS back big time.
Even tells BS that he can still have his new GF and be with WS I personally think that is the major guilt talking there that you see he can do it to me like I did it to you (cheat on me with someone else) and my sins are magically erased cause your doing it to me. BS wants zero to do with WS and it is over. Too bad for WS lessons learned the hard way or could they had been avoided if only for communication and better cooping mechanisms. Is this a lesson that really needed to be learned? Its probably one of the dumbest lessons you can ever learn in your whole life it ranks up there with look thats hot wonder what happens when I touch it.
2nd story.
Pretty much the same scenario as above as they are all BS doesnt see it coming fast forward to the divorce is almost final and BS is now with super sweet new GF and once the divorce is over the BS wants to get married to this new sweet heart well guess who doesnt want to go through with the divorce you got it the WS. She wants the BS back after her fling went from hot to freezing cold and also imploded in a manner of months.
What is working here with these cases I ask myself. I think a lot of it has to do with these items
We dont know what we have until its gone
The WS now see their BS as a real challenge and crazy folk love challenges cause they dont know how to live life from its core the simple things that make people happy like a good movie around a fire place or just walking with the family.
For women who cheat I think they see their BS as a alpha male again once he has processed and moved on they had lost some respect or had some resentment and now view their BS as the alpha male women always tend to go towards the stronger male and they now want that stronger male back cause heck this other female now wants him and I cant have him anymore. Childish as all hell.
For men at least I know for myself I cant be with a women intimately knowing she was with some other guy and knowing they probably did xyz. Every time I would get intimate I would know that in the back of my mind and I could get passed that so for me thats a real deal breaker. Now if I was like a AP mentality well I could sleep with whoever and none of that would bother me in the least bit. But I actually have morals and values so it bothers me.
Once a partner engages in the lying and deceit game and that is the one person the one person you are suppose to be able feel protected by that person you are suppose to be able to trust more so then anyone else in the whole world and that one person shows their true colors those colors are forever engrained on them like a zebra suit.
You storeis nothing new, happens every day.
OMG in my case a double dose of viagra would not have helped intimacy shortly after D day only intimacy was a mix "wham bam thank you mam" type. But that was short lived.
Yes I think my mind would have not been able to process it even after decades.
No with my EW, everytime we would attempt intimacy image of OM penis penetrating her "done deal". Now if I forced it upon her it worked, but what type of sex is that really.
New wife no issue rock like man.
1. That the trust is completely destroyed with a huge atom bomb with the WS so how do you feel protected again? and is it easier to feel protected with someone who has never done this sort of thing to you and or doesnt have a track record that you know of to do this sort of thing. More of a mind thing.
2. You didn't know the girl you are or will be - their past history - you for sure know your WS history now - ignorance is bliss sort of deal or so you may know some details but in your mind - a guys mind I guess - you can feel protected cause everyone has slept with somone in the past - but not under your nose so to speak or while you were with that person.
I think some women think guys are just out to hit and split. In guys minds - we could probably do that (in our ego) - again in our minds - but in reality - I mean the real world - there are diseases and weird things we may or may not like about these girls we see passing that once we get to know them - we get turned off - ever see the movie "hall pass"? its sort of like that. We mainly talk a good game but our game ended when we were in college then got settled down etc - not to say we can't work it up again but its more control and we have a lot more responsbilities.
So getting back to the orginal question. The person we are with (the girl) just has to be someone we can trust and someone who we have no freakin clue what they did with in their past.
Am I articluting this correctly - I hope so but there maybe some questions there or lose ends and please ask them.
I am considered to be attractive and successful but wasn't able to find a man that wanted to be faithful. I still believe that there are good men out there who are interested in an "honest",relationship. I'm not looking for myself but I have a daughter who is. In the last five years she has met two men who totally lied to her about being married. I have to encourage her to keep looking for a good man who will be faithful. I don't have all the answers and sometimes we all have to learn,the hard way.
It's disgusting what she did to you. You deserve someone who is
faithful and who will work out any problems that may arise,without
infidelity! I made a choice years ago to not accept being humiliated again. I have. Dated here and there and have been very happy.
I see on here that there are still some good men out there and have a lot of hope for my daughter.
For women who have been cheated on,it's really good to hear from descent men who are willing to put their emotions out there.
I for one think that we should hear more from you.
My STBX's parents are still together oddly enough - however and this is a big/huge however the bomb shell so to speak.
Her (my STBX) parents still together but there's a big kicker - father cheated on her mother for 6 years - My ex is from south america - we meet when I was living in Miami - I had to move back up north cause its too crazy down there and not a good place to raise a family.
Back to my STBX growing up life - My STBX kicked her father out of the house when everyone found out he was cheating and lived with the crazy AP lady for 3 years till she (AP/crazy lady) took all of her fathers money and left him in the middle of the night. Surprise!
Then her father comes crawling back home and the mother after a time takes him back.
Want to hear even more craziness - ok her mother for those 3 years cried just about every single day - so much so that her eye shut permanently - u heard me correctly - she had to have it operating on to reopen it - she did not eat much and could not work or function during those years.
My STBX had to come home from her school and take care of her 3 younger sisters during that time cause mother was phyically/emotionally out.
Ok more crazy family fun stuff - her father would also drive his father (her grandfather) to an AP house (his other lady) while his father is/was still married to his mother (grand mother) until the day the grandfather died. Awesome!
The other grandfather (mothers father) had affairs and had 2 love children boys out of it. However - the grandparents never got divorced - they are all catholic and well - guys will be guys down there.
So not in the world would I think that my ex would cheat on me - I figured she would love the fact that I was a good father and decent family man who does not drink smoke or cheat and has a good job/ good supporter - I come home and help - did we have some communication issues - yes I admit that. But nothing serious - normal stuff. I am not perfect but I would not cheat cause I know what they would do to my kids (what example that would set and what they would do to my STBX) and family is the most important thing to me.
Not some piece of you know what who would have to be crazy to mess with a married man and risk everything. Well it still happened - but it was not me who did it - it was my STBX.