I am sorry, you care for him and he is ill. He doesn't want anything romantic. Be a friend.. If that's what you want. Check in on him now and then. if not cut you ties (unless you have children)
Seek IC
Good luck

We have 5 children, but they are grown. I feel so robbed and angry one minute then sad the next. I really was doing great, and for the most part, I keep the boundaries. But he really wants nothing romantic with me, and even knowing that, I am trying to make sure he is OK. I guess I thought even facing death, he would have wanted to put things back together. And I was blindsided again. Another lesson learned..

Maybe he might think that at this point you might think he'd be coming back because he's sick. It's okay to be concerned for him and your children. But you need to heal.

he is afraid and feels alone. It is okay that he is reaching for comfort from someone he has known for so long. Be there for him as a "Friend" only. I promise you won't regret it. You will regret it if you go nc.

I know I wouldd regret going NC. Some family and friends tell me to just let him be, and keep moving on with his life, but I am finding it so hard to do it. He still is a big part of my life, and I don't know how much time he has left. It breaks my heart all over again....

If it were me, I would continue being a friend to him, and a comfort to him, help him where possible, but don't let him take over your life. Both he and your children will be grateful that you treated him with kindness.

You are right... I did loose him to another woman, and now cancer. He still wants me around him, but as a friend. Its hard to be friends with someone you still are in love with. But I don't know how to just cut him off. In is own way, he is trying to remain close, and I know he is processing this cancer thing. I hate that I feel such anger towards him at this time in his life. I cry often over the years we lost.

You didn't lose him to another woman
He choose to betray and sink his children's family
Even now at this point in his life, he wears what he wAnts for himself,
He wNts your friendship
What does he want for you, for you?
Zero, zilch, nada!

I don't think the ups/downs will go away for a while, but I would think that this is normal, and I don't think it is unhealthy for you to be around him. If I understand right, you both separated, you began healing, he tried to reconcile, both realized it wasn't going to happen, and we're able to maintain a friendship...and your friend just learned he has a terminal disease. This is a whole new crappy road (understatement). The emotions of dealing with infidelity suck. You were getting on a good path, and now, you find yourself dealing with the emotions of dealing with a friend struggling with a terminal disease. I'm sure you find yourself wanting to make the most of the time you have together, and in your heart the best times you had were before the affair, and it's tugging at you that maybe it could be that way again. My thoughts, though, are if he still isn't wanting to reconcile, it may be more important than ever to keep your boundaries even more clearly determined than ever. Focus on how you'd like to see a friendship with him, not how you wish things would have been when you learned of his illness.

You guys are right... I know in my mind what the right hing to do is, but my heart is being tugged on. I do still love this man, and at some level I know he loves me. I do think of the times before he cheated and left me, and so want that time back. I know that is not possible. He knows I never just wanted a friendship from him, but for the kids we did. Now, I guess it's time to draw the line in the sand, and move on again......


Thank You for the kind words.

I have a bit if a harder skin and don't have that love for someone who betrays me. Your H actually left, which many men find hard to do because of the disruption, cost and confort. For him to do so, he fell out of love with you somewhere along the way.

Reconciling would be pointless. Try IC to help you move on and try and find happiness.

Good luck