Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello everyone.
Me and my husband have been together for 15 years. Married for 10. We have two beautiful girls. My relationship with my husband to me has always been great and like any couple we had little disputes but nothing ever major. 2 years ago I found out my husband had an " emotional affair" with a mutual friend co- worker . I found out when I stayed home one summer and didn't work and I went to use the laptop and his email was open and saw an email contains saved messages from him and the girl. I was distraut. It had felt like everything I believed and valued was ripped right out of me. I could not believe that he would do this to us to betray me and lie to me for months and even the girl. I was so angry. I still am angry. I don't know what to do to feel better. We had gone to a therapist for help and it just made things worse. It went from him having an affair because she made him feel special to now he believes he's polyarmorous and that he is in love with the other and me and wants to be with both of us. These two years have been torturous and I don't know what to do. He doesn't have contact with the girl but they work together so he sees her everyday and I see her occasionally bc we all work near one another. It breaks my heart more and more every time he wants to try to make me understand this new identity. The therapist was encouraging him I his sessions that maybe he should consider being in an open relationship. But in my sessions we never spoke about opening up the marriage. We ended up not seeing that therapist anymore bc we both felt she was pulling us apart. But he still has this idea in his head . It kills me. I offered him a separation and said if u really feel strongly about this girl go be with her and leave me but then he always says no that he loves me and wants to be with me and wants to grow old with me. This drives me crazy bc even though he is saying these things about how much he loves me he is currently going thru major depression. In part bc he can't have her in his life. I have no clue what to do or how to feel or process anything. I try to be as understanding as I can and I read books about polyarmorous and open relationships and I know this is not for me. Emotionally I can't handle it. My emotions are all over the place I'm down all the time and hate feeling this way. I wish I could fast foward this awful time and get to a place where he and I are happy again. I feel helpless and alone. I have no real outlet to talk to anyone with out judgement and I hope here can help me they this bc I feel like unchanging on by a thread. I love my husband dearly but i also don't want to be quilted in to a lifestyle a therapist suggested after one meeting with him.
Stop thinking about him. Both of you need to get other jobs and leave this slut behind.
Try different therapists. Many are just plain crazy themselves.
If you find your H will not be faithful to you and is not making you his priority, it might be a good idea to make a plan and leave.
Report the counselor! That is some bullshit!
I read on Chumplady that individual counseling is not always the best.. they are paying the counselor and if the counselor wants their money they will agree with them.
His affair isn’t over. You will not be in a place you can relax enough to be happy until...
1. He changes jobs!
2. Transparency
3. Full disclosure
4. NO CONTACT
He probably didn’t even know what polyamory was until his counslor told him.
The reason things have not changed is so easy to spot you don't need a psychology 101 course to figure it out.
HE SEES HER EVERY DAY. One of the basic things about post affair recovery is No Contact with the affair partner.
Seeing her daily keeps the limerence/infatuation alive.
Also I wouldn't be so sure it was just an emotional affair or that it actually stopped after you found out.
He's an alcoholic who works in a bar...doubt he is sober.
After 15 years of marriage, it is hard to always decide what you want because you intended to marry for life. It may be time to focus on your daughters and yourself for awhile until you can sort through all of the emotions and decide what you want from this marriage.
It is unfortunate that the therapist that you sought out did not provide the right tools to help your situation.
He states he wants to reconcile, but has he made any steps toward this process? He does need to figure out where he is in the marriage. Is he living the example that he would want his daughters to see?
Are you apart of a local church family? Is there a local Pastor/counselor (a new one) that will truly be able to help you sort through all of this.
My heart hurts for you. Please seek wise counsel through this process. Do not let one bad counselor spoil the who bunch. For your sanity and peace of mind, please find either that special girlfriend, support group, or someone who is close that will not judge you to talk to. Ultimately, the decision is yours.
No one else has walked in your shoes. We can only provide our own personal experiences and that is where we share from.
One of the things that I found useful was writing a pros & cons list on whether to stay married. It helped me see it in black & white. I also relieved some of the emotional stress by writing in a journal daily. This helped me see how far I had as I began to heal and work through things as I would read back through it.
If both parties want to reconcile there is a chance to rekindle. But it takes two and both parties need to make sacrifices and make changes. An open marriage is not one of the options. There is no room for three in a marriage.
Blessings to you today. You & your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. If that is OK. Take Care!