About 6 months ago, my boyfriend of 3 years told me that he cheated on me with one of his best friends. He was friends with this girl way before I met him. A couple of years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and it has since advanced to stage 4. My boyfriend felt awful for her and always expressed that. There were parts of me that always wondered if anything had happened between them in the past, because of how highly he talked about her. I’ve never met her because she lives in a different state. Then, her husband suddenly passed away in April of last year. Once again, my BF felt beyond sad for her and I did too. She was battling cancer and then her husband died. In the months following her husband’s death, my BF stayed in constant contact with her to try to lift her spirits. This is where things went wrong. He said he got so wrapped up in trying to make everything “ok” for her and wanted to do anything he could for her. Feelings started to evolve, and on a business trip they ended up sleeping together. 

Fast forward 6 months... I’ve decided to try to get past this and stay in this relationship. He is extremely remorseful, is disgusted with himself for what he did, wants to go to therapy all the time, bends over backwards for me, all the things. He is doing everything he should be doing, but I am nowhere near over it. It feels like he told me yesterday. It’s so fresh in my mind still. I still see the images in my mind of them having sex and think of all the deceitful texts and calls that were happening right under my nose. In my opinion, an affair is truly the most devastating thing for a relationship. I believe deep down in my heart that I’ll never be able to forgive him, and I’ve told him this. I told him I don’t love him the same as I used to and that I look at him differently now. He tells me those are all natural feelings and that I can eventually get past those feelings. It will just take a lot of work. A lot of work that honestly I don’t know if I have the willpower to put in. I love him so much and can’t imagine a life without him. But I also feel like I’m just “making do” with the situation. I feel like I’m pretending to be happy when I’m really torn up inside. Even if we do get past this, our relationship is forever tarnished. It’s something that will always be there. 

How do I truly let it go? We’ve tried counseling, reading all the books, listening to podcasts, spending lots of time together. Nothing seems to work. Help :/