Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Can anyone out there share their situation if they were able to successfully survive an affair. Or perhaps they know a couple personally that have survived.
How far down the track are they?
Is the relationship stronger or just different?
Perhaps they are working together just for the sake of the kids or finances? Or is there true love there again.
Personally, I am just over two years on from finding out. She cheated on me with the same guy for a period of about 6 months. I still love her and I believe our love for each other is stronger. She is very, very remorseful and quite frankly devastated. (Not as uch as me!) I am still considering leaving to start a new life at 46. I have had profesional help for close to two years which has been fabulous but there is still far to many triggers and the hurt is still there. I sometimes shut myself off from her or get cold with her. Maybe once a month. She says she can see it building. I have been told that if this is happening I haven't forgiven her and this is preventing us moving forward. Perhaps.
Sometimes I'm deeply in love with her and others I hate what she has done to me and my life.
I have children with her which makes the thought of leaving very, very difficult. Two work friends who are divorced from their respective partners with kids have told me to hang in there if we love each other - they both did the opposite and regret their decisions.
I was told by a psychologist that often couples that survived infidelity had relationships far stronger than they had ever before. I have never met or heard of any so just wondering if this is bs or does someone have an example they could share.
Thanks everyone
I'm at 4 months and having similar questions. Here's what I'm thinking: life and love ebb and flow. Some days we're head over heels and others you have to lock up the knives. So it goes with most people. We, those lucky ones, have the added intensity of having our spouses be liars and cheats. So what we could have chalked up to "life", we view through the lenses of betrayal, deceit and lies. Nope. Not fair. Rather sucky. Still, there it is.
When I start cycling, I have actively asked myself this question: is it about his affair or something else in my life? It helps me wrap my brain-heart around the situation and deal with it honestly. And yes, sometimes I tell myself it is ok to obsess and then put it away--I'm in control there not them.
I'll be interested to see who else posts and their thoughts.
BTW, 46 iis young!! My friends who were divorced in their 40s, while sad about what it did to their kids, love the time they finally have to be free and do what they want. They report being better parents for it, too. Imagine, weekends and a couple of days a week without responsibility. It is very inticing.....
To answer your question yes some relationships grow out much stronger with deeper meaning. I am in contact with a wonderful women who is the proof of that and who has helped me a lot she is 2 years past d-day and says her relationship is completely dufferent much more meaningful much better connection much stronger. So yes it can happen and tgats wgat keeps me strong. Hopefully I too will experience that.
I also was told to think of the fact that if you do leave you don't know what you will get either. Who tells you a new partner won't cheat? And clearly you will only have the kids half of the time and another man will play stepdad at some point. All things to consider. I think you're on the right track. Triggers will always be there but should fade away and you 2 will learn to recognize them and deal with them quick and easy apparently. Keep hope. But also follow ur heart if u just feel u can't forgive tgan it's not fair to anyone to stay. Good luck I'll keep following this post cause I'm curious to others answers
Good like on your respective journeys.
Triggers.. Occasionally they are there. We don't has them out. He recognizes that I am having an issue and we AVOID the thing triggering them!
Example: he will not be going to any reunions. We don't have to discuss this... We avoid whole cities. Even if we have to go 100 mikes out of our way. I don't even have to request it,, he knows
It is doable... You can have a strong relationship. Vacations and Date nights have gotten us through! Far from perfect.. None of us are. I would rather deal with the issues I know. Then attempt to date again! I am still in love with him! Madly Truely Deeply In Love!
If you trusted your husband again after 3 months it would be a big issue. Doubt will fade if he continues to work hard on himself and the your relationship.
You needing time to trust him actually means you are looking at the reality of the situation. No spouse should be put through this twice and a third chance doesn't make sense to me so good on you for drawing a strong boundary.