Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
So my husband had an affair with the nanny. She's returned to her own country but they still email me. He says he doesn't blame me for the affair, but then says I lead him to the cliff. I made the ground fertile for his affair.
And when we talk, it's always about me, my weaknesses, my failings, all the things I need to change. Never about him.
I had an abusive childhood with a father who constantly told me I was worthless and treated me that way too. So I am primed to buy into this stuff.
When we talk, I always leave feeling "broken". And he says he married me because I have "potential" (i.e., I am imperfect, but of I can just reach my full potential....)
I just want someone to love me FOR ME. As I am, right now. In reality, I am a very successful and highly educated woman. You'd never guess I was plagued with low self-esteem and would pit up with this garbage from someone who claims to love me.
I feel like no one has ever loved me FOR ME. Everyone has always wanted me to be normal or different .
Please give me some perspective...
And when we talk, it's always about me, my weaknesses, my failings, all the things I need to change. Never about him.
I had an abusive childhood with a father who constantly told me I was worthless and treated me that way too. So I am primed to buy into this stuff.
When we talk, I always leave feeling "broken". And he says he married me because I have "potential" (i.e., I am imperfect, but of I can just reach my full potential....)
I just want someone to love me FOR ME. As I am, right now. In reality, I am a very successful and highly educated woman. You'd never guess I was plagued with low self-esteem and would pit up with this garbage from someone who claims to love me.
I feel like no one has ever loved me FOR ME. Everyone has always wanted me to be normal or different .
Please give me some perspective...
it is all about the cheater, the root lays in their character
ALWAYS
So sorry
The capacity and willingness to cheat are flaws in the person who cheated, not in their partner who has been deceived.
NOTHING you could have ever done justifies cheating.
Your husband needs to stop telling you more lies....doe he really think this is helping things?
Sadly, with the attitude he has, it does not look like the relationship will survive. He needs to own the responsibility and treat you with nothing but kindness.
You not only had an abusive childhood, you have an abusive husband. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you into compliance.
Go to individual counseling and start to love YOURSELF. You don't need to have someone else love you without you loving you first.
This type of betrayal hurts deeply. All of us BS thought we were in a relationship we created in our minds. None of us were. Our spouses always had these entitlement issues and lack of character, it just did not affect us, personally, until we discovered their betrayal.
Dump this mess in his lap where it belongs and start working on loving yourself. If he wants to change, let him, on his own. Step out of his drama and manipulation.
Look at your own success and build on that, there is plenty about you to love, for yourself. He is not worthy of any of that love, he is abusive.
"I had an abusive childhood with a father who constantly told me I was worthless and treated me that way too. So I am primed to buy into this stuff."
Unfortunately, as a child, you have learned that love comes from someone who mentally abuses you, and you have chosen a husband who mirrors this. It's a cycle that is difficult to break, and can only be worked on once you realize that you are falling for the same kind of man your father was, loving but emotionally abusive.
A good therapist can help you through this and guide you. I had a very similar parental situation and did the same thing in my relationships for two plus decades. I felt emotionally stimulated only when there was a certain level of abuse attached to it.
Once I sought therapy, it released me from that sick cycle that I wasn't even aware of. Only then was I able to build my self-esteem, because like you, I felt I had a lot to offer. Today I am a changed person but that would not have happened had I stayed in abusive relationships.
When you say,
"When we talk, I always leave feeling "broken". And he says he married me because I have "potential" (i.e., I am imperfect, but of I can just reach my full potential....)"
This is manipulation: he puts you down to elevate himself, well-knowing that you're a far better person than he is. Deep down he knows he can never rise to your level, so he must keep you down below his, in order to bolster his ego. He had an affair with your au pair, that should say plenty.
I wish you well.
My ex once told me I made him fat too; read some info about narcissistic personality disorder. They are the most entitled men who feel abuse is necessary...just correcting us imperfect women lesser beings.
Every story I read makes me furious- I thought it was just me.
"Does contribute " is not always correct
Sometimes a marriage gets sideways for one of the partners ,
And that partner never bothers to communicate such ,
Instead they keep score, stew, get angry, and use that to "justify"
Their cheating path