rose: that is a normal set of emotions for what has been unjustly thrust upon you. We want to stand strong and be angry at them and the hurt they have inflicted on us but at the same time this is the person you thought you would be with for the rest of your life and love and be loved by. I don't think they can even start to imagine the damage they have done and sadly some of them never will quite understand it at all. This is like a mourning period because you have lost so much. Hang in there it will get better and you will be the one that can hold your head high.

you are right in everything you said thank you

Oh yeah, I remember all of that. It's all normal and hard to deal with. You are not losing your mind. You are dealing with one of the worst things that could happen. It's heartwrenching. Of course your emotions are all over the place. Your head is telling you what you have to do, but your heart is hurting so bad for the life you thougth you had but now realize you didn't.

It sucks.

Don't forget to take care of you in all of this.

I know this is so hard. I watched my mom make my dad leave after an affair when I was 16. They divorced and he remarried.Long story short she loved him with all her heart until the day he died. They were both single when he died so mom bought the plat next to him because she said thats where she always wanted to be. The were divorce 19 years when he died. I remember her saying that she could rest now, when he died because she knew where he was and she knew she would be with him at the end. Shes died 12 years after him and I had the stone under his head stone made bigger to reach across both their graves, so they are once again joined. They were married 25 years. She went to her grave loving him.
I lived this shit all my life growing up. I watched my mother suffer all my life over a cheating man. My husband promised I'd never see it again. Guess what I have relived part of her life.
Love him until the day I die, I know I will. Forgive him yet no, its been almost a year and there are days when I hate him for what he did to me to us. I work hard everyday. It is like working 2 fulltime jobs. Its the emotional job and the other is the physical.
Don't make him go if there is any hope at all and you still love him. I have been married 33 years this week. Its been almost a year for us, its been a hard pill to take. But I know with Gods help and the help of people here I have made it one day at a time. Somedays I think I am falling in love with him all over again. Then I have a day that I hate seeing his face. Its not easy but if you still have any love at all for each other maybe you can make it work.
Get the movie Fireproof and the Book LOVE DARE. It is so a great way to start rebuilding.
You will NEVER forget what happened. You will however learn to live with it, with the help of others and the Love of God.
Sorry this was so long. I have a heavy heart this morning and I know the pain you are in God Bless and my Prayers are with you.

Years, that is one heartbreaking story you have there.

Just showed me that we can't always choose who we love and that sometime we can't always walk away too easy.

Wow...

I know. There are days where I want to throw her ass out and call her every name in the book, there are others where I can barely stop crying to do anything else and there are also days where I want to go rip the OM's head off. There are even days where I want to go out and f*ck someone else and let her find out, just so she can experience what I went through.

But, I am trying to figure out how to just stay strong and focused and take care of my kids and myself. She and this OM will have to face the music one of these days and deal with their lies, deceit and selfishness.

Rose:

Even though you are angry and completely pissed off and hurt, which believe me, is completely justifiable, try not to forget why you are so hut and pissed: its because you love him.

Tell him that. Tell him that you love him but since you are so very seriously considering ripping his face off once every ... oh say .. thirty seconds, that maybe you two should take a break.

Do you really want him to move out? Can he sleep in a different room? Can you come up with a time to talk about things like say between 7-8, etc. So that way at LEAST you know for sure that once every day you will get to say what you feel,etc.

To be quite honest, I was where you are. My ex was NOT remorseful. He was NOT helping the issue ( he laughed in my face). He was doing NOTHING except saying he was doing things to rectify anything! And, he was abusing me BADLY. I did NOT deserve that. IF by chance your husband is pulling that shit, then KICK HIM OUT.

But if he is trying

if he is really trying

and if he wants to be with you


and if you want to be with him too........

just think about it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I know, I know.

BetrayedAngel,

I thought I was the only one whose SO laughed in their face. How could my H be so cruel. I love him so much, I would probably even take him back now if he apologized and wanted to work on things. In the beginning, he did laugh in my face when I told him he was doing something wrong. Maybe I'm the narcissus since I can't see how my H or your ex could be so cruel to someone who loves them sooooo much.

It does as always, feel good to know I am not alone with how I feel thanks.
I can't take him back at this point because he has done this for 10 years between the computer chatting and the phone calls and I kept forgiving him. He promised he would stop once again and has not. I can't keep wondering if he is talking to one of his women ,that of cause he claimed where just "friends". I can't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and have him take it to the next level. So far as I know in all the 10 years it has just been the computer chatting and phone calls, of cause I can be wrong. And even if they were just friends, which I don't believe, he should have wanted me more then them. I know its an addiction but I should matter more.

The pessimist in me is really starting to believe that cheaters just can't be reformed. Maybe b/c I am dealing with a serial cheater myself, but it just seems like they always go back to the behavior. I know there are cases where people cheated then reformed but it seems very clear that they just have something they can't shut down.