Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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heartbrokenitexas 10/27/2009

Hi DS friends!
I know that sometimes, it is so easy to focus on the negative aspects of our spouse's affairs, and the aftermath. I have always been a postive and optimistic person,yet I catch myself dwelling on it.

Thankfully, my optimistic side kicks my obsessibe butt and tells me to think of something positive that has come out of my H's affair.

I have definitely realized that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I know now that I can face extreme adversity and keep my head on straight. Also, my real friends have come out of the woodworks, supporting and bonding with me in ways that I never thought possible. Plus, it has given me an opportunity to meet such awesome people here on DS.

I am asking you to think of something positive that has come out of you spouse's (or your own)affair, whether it has changed you dramatically, or whether a joyous event has happened since.

Believe me, it is definitely a mood lifter to focus on these things!

Mauszer 10/27/2009

Agreed. My wife and I have found new levels of honesty and understanding from her affair, and have identified many things we each did to hurt each other over the years never even knowing it. Sure, I would have loved to have learned this stuff without the affair, but I think even "great" marriages tend to have some type of wake-up call somewhere along the road.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

I would agree.

The amount of support I have received from people, both from here and in "real life", has been overwhelming and humbling. I will not forget it.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

Hi HBinTX! IMHO, I learned similar lessons to the ones you learned....I learned I can SURVIVE anything....I learned that I respect myself enough to get out of a nightmare marriage.......I learned to be a positive role model to my sons....by not staying and putting up with emotional and physical abuse in a marriage.......I learned that maybe, someday, I will trust again. Hugs to you from OKC!!! Cindi

deleted_user 10/27/2009

The positive aspect of my ex husband's affair is that we are no longer together. We were toxic together. We didn't love each other, didn't know how to tell one another, didn't know how to love each other again. The really horrible thing about his having an affair is that it has severed the relationship he had with his children. I feel bad for my kids and I honestly feel bad for Richard too.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

For me, it's still so fresh that I'm not sure I can answer this one.

Although, I have met some great people here :)

That counts as a positive!

lovemarriage 10/27/2009

Hmmm.. the postive. I don't know. I guess the positive is my H no longer brings up my past.... that's a positive.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

same as Jenn..i am usually always positive so hope i will be able to find something in the future.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

Just like others here I have found out just how strong I am. My daughter gave me a stone plaque that sums it up. It is engraved with the following:
"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water"
I too found out who my friends are and what "family" really means. I have such an incredibly close connection with my friends and I didn't have that before. I got my best friend back (long story, ex didn't like her because she is such a strong woman) I found out I can stand on my own emotionally and financially and do it well. I found "me" again and started doing things I used to enjoy doing but had given up. I took control of my health and my body and I have never been in better shape. And I discovered that I am incredibly good company and I don't need anybody else to make me feel good about me. Hard journey. Unnecessarily cruel things were done when they never needed to be done (by him and his skank) but in the end I am far better off than I have ever been. The end result has been worth the price and my Karma lately is amazing so I am a happy camper.
To those in the beginning of the darkest hole you have ever been in. The one you never knew existed until now, you will get there. You will. I don't wish this pain on anybody but I am grateful for the journey. When I look myself in the eye and like what I see staring back at me how can I not be?

deleted_user 10/28/2009

A stronger, more aware marriage. We actively work on our marriage now, and I don't feel like I am all alone in it anymore. I have found out who my friends are and I have really learned a lot from people here on DS. I think this mess actually put my life in perspective for me, and I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I took the anti depressants I should have taken years ago and I'm learning to be less critical of me.

Lstecker 10/28/2009

My Positive Spin...

I like me again, being without him. I trust me more (that is coming). I define me without him and love it. I support me and my kids without him. I laugh every day and don't worry about what lies and games he is playing behind my back - what a load of the shoulders!

I have the respect of my kids, while he does not. I never lost them and made it a point to never lose them in this process.

I keep what makes me happy and boot the rest to the curb.

Friends and family that count on me and I know I can count on...

Did I mention I make it a point to laugh every day?

Sure, we all say that we can hate what this has done to us. But I can say that I love where I am now, without him.

...and I love the little hottie I am with now!

Great thread and thanks for this...L~

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