Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Background: yesterday I got upset with H because it looked to me he was acting suspiciously. He probably wasn't but I get suspicious for any little thing now.
So we kind of had an " on and off" of talking. me crying and him getting upset so we just stopped talking. We didn't speak yesterday and this morning. So I'm thinking ok you are giving me the silent treatment when I didn't do anything.So I decide to move to the house.I didn't tell him my plans.I even wrote a letter to send him later today. I gather stuff like cups plates etc. Went to store to buy milk and bread. Came back to apartment. I was gone about an hour because I went for my calming drive. At the apartment H was cooking breakfast ( he never does) and says do you want eggs? So slowly slowly we start talking. Our nice neighbors decide to cut our grass so we talk about that.etc. an hour later H is all lovey dovey and wants to have sex.Now Im thinking (didn't say it) didn't we just have a no speaking 2 days where I decide to leave for a while? And he is in mood for this?
Someone please tell me if this is normal? Am I going crazy or was this not supposed to happen like this?
Thank you
Maryanne
He probably doesn’t know how or what to say to make it right.
Silent treatment: another red flag. They sure are mounting up. Scroll down about 1/3 of the way for a 100 point assessment on NPD. See where he stacks up: http://www.thehartcentre.com.au/know-im-narcissist/
And don't have sex with him. He could have STDs that would be passed on to you. Oh he'll say he used protection with the skank (if he ever admits to having the affair in the first place) but they never do use protection. They all lie. The "rules" don't apply to them.
You are not going crazy. You are being manipulated and controlled. You are so conditioned to it that you doubt your own sanity.
Betrayedtodeath,
I did the test and he scores roughly a 36.
He is not a bad man.I always thought he was a little weird but that's just how he is. These things never bothered me until I found out about the cheating.He knows he has a bad character.Not sure if I wrote here about it but for my birthday last year he wrote something like: happy birthday sweetie. You spent the best years of your life with me.Not an easy nor pleasant task. Most would have bailed out.( Well he is right about that one)
It's true that he does cycle between rage, self pity and charm but I don't think it's because of narcissistic. I think after he rages he just calms down and feels better.
Yesterday after this incident he went to work on his car. I have to help and usually I get yelled at because I don't know difference between all those stupid wrenches and keys or I'm not holding the thing correctly.but not yesterday.Since a big fight 2 weeks ago he promised that he would stop doing that ( and he did stop).but he got frustrated at the stupid Germans for building such garbage cars and starting cursing and raging ( not at me though) and he said " I have so much hate in me".
Now these incidents happen all the time ever since we got married but I just try and diffuse the situation and then we are back to normal.
If you are willing to live with this type of guy for the remainder of your life then that is your prerogative.
All we can do is help you see him for who he is so you can enter the situation with your eyes open.
For BSes a lot of it stems from their own sense of self worth. Some BSes will simply end the marriage because they deserve better. Some understand this but give their spouse a chance due to CSes remorse and other factors like children/age/finances/health etc.
However, when a CSes really don't put in the work to change and a BS stays, it can be that the BS is afraid of being alone or not feeling like they are of enough value to deserve better.
I do want to give him a chance to make things better. It might be that I think i don't deserve better but at the same time, i always thought i had the best.
I also love him so I am torn right now. Don't know what to do.
However, at the end of the day we are outside looking in and the only person who can make the decisions for your life are you.
Not us, not your husband and his manipulations....just you.
Following any advice on this forum without understanding your situation in clear sense is just trading one master for another, him to us.
Stick with some personal counseling to build up your own ability to perceive the truth and be confident in making your own decisions for yourself.