Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

Someone help me please

RegTr
RegTr

I honestly didn't think I was going to do this. I stumbled on this site and joined to ask for advice but as I touched the new post button I could feel tears welling up as they still are. This is so hard. I have been with my wife for 3+ years and about to have our 1 year wedding anniversary on Halloween. When we had been together for around 6 months my mom cheated on my stepdad(who has been my dad since I was 4yrs, im 23yrs now) and it shattered my trust and my whole life. After that some things began to not add up so I questioned my gf at that time. She sent me page after page after page expressing how much of a piece of shit my mom is and PINKY PROMISED me over and over she would not and could not do that to me. Last February I gained access to her email due to accidentally emailing her a surprise meant for a friend (to get an opinion if she would like it) so I asked for the password and she refused but gave it the next day. So naturally I had worries so did some digging in the account. As it turned out she had several linked accounts which led to me discovering that the ENTIRE time she was sending me page after page of promises, she was carrying on a sexual relationship with another man. Which spanned from December 2014 to march 2015(through my birthday) i want to believe she's not that person anymore. I always question her and doubt her and don't trust even after almost 3 years from the initial incident and almost 2 years since finding out. I feel like putting a bullet in my bullet in my head because I can't find anything she's doing wrong but I still can't trust her. I just want to not wake up.

imrj
imrj
file for divorce and she needs to beg for a chance and be totally remorseful, you dont have to finalize the divorce, can be stopped at any time
refurb
refurb
it is sad that she is a deceitful person, that she is so good at it should scare the bejabbers out of you,
run from this person
heartache5
heartache5
So sorry what ur going through. Such intense pain. Ur 2 years in. That should be the time things get better 2-5 years that say. If u are not feeling better about her maybe it's still early or maybe ur gut feeling is right. I don't know how renorsefull she was what kind of therapy she has done and you have done together etc. Either she does everything right or she just got much better at hiding things. If she was truly remorsefull en is doing everything right. You have to start asking urself if you think you can forgive her one day if you don't think so than u probably don't want to keep living in a world in which you always keep checking on her. As much as you have every right to.
I don't know enough about ur specific situation to give you advice.
Please don't talk about putting bullets in ur head and not waking up. No women and especially not a cheater is worth that. If you truly feel those thought please see a Dr. To discuss depression And start counseling for urself.
You have every right to not trust her. It was pretty intense wgat she did and she seems to an a very extremely good lier that's scary. Hugs ur not alone.
JillMarie
JillMarie
Have the two of you been through counseling? I’m trying to survive an affair that my fiancé had while I was pregnant & I too thought I wanted to die...but we found an excellent couples therapist & our relationship is the best it’s ever been in 8 years together. It still hurts every single day, but there’s no way to get through an infidelity without counseling. Please talk to someone about these thoughts you’re having & know that you are not alone. You can get through this but you need counseling & you need to forgive (if deserved).
betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
Always always trust your gut. The heart and the brain are the last to figure out what is really happening. Ignoring our instincts can come at a heavy price.
Johnboy
Johnboy
I am in a very similar boat as you bud. I understand the pain, feeling consumed and stuck in your own head. I wound up putting myself on a 72 hr. hold. I always thought I was strong, but it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Go to church, see a specialist, or anything. Your relationship can wait. You need to take care of you first. Remember that you are not responsible for the choices she makes. If she truly loves you, she will stand by your side while you heal. The marriage you had is over, but that's not a bad thing. Pick up the pieces and build something new. You need to heal first because you have a right to feel while again. You have the right to be happy. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to look me up.
Findingmywaytome
Findingmywaytome
Dear friend, I am so sorry you are hurting. We all understand the pain that you're experiencing. It is astounding what justifications come out of their mouths when confronted, eh? My own experience was 6+ years of denial, anger, vicious verbal attacks and then, on the eve of my filing for divorce, the truth being revealed. Being here SUCKS. All of that being said, you must, must, must find a counselor to deal with both your past trauma and the one you are currently in. She is not being a friend or a partner--she is moving her life forward while you spin into infinity. You will get nowhere until you acknowledge in your heart that you are so much more than the sum of her parts. It is not easy, nor fun, to mourn the "what could have been" and "why (not) me?" yet you must to move on. You will find that your sense of self becomes restored as you work in counseling. You are worth so much more than her infidelity. Keep your chin up and get thee to a counselor NOW.
Oh, and get the SDT test, just in case.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
You've only recently married and found out 2 years ago. I'm not sure why you married someone like that in the first place. That leads me to believe you may have some issues you didn't deal with at the time.

My mom cheated on my dad when I was young and my wife knew this and promised never to cheat...well she did just before 4 years of marriage. If we didn't have a child there is a good possibility I would have told her to leave.

For certain, if I knew she was a cheater before we married I would have ended it day that second.

You did marry her knowing she was a cheater. At this point you need to evaluate if she really is a different person than before. If you really find you can't trust her the marriage will fail anyways down the road with any further cheating or not.