You dont need to go through his phone anymore. He cheated after only 5 months, he will do it again.

YUp your right..people who don't like snoops don't because they have something to hide. If not, then whats the big deal. Hope you don't marry him. Hell..if he says he doesn't like snooping then pick up his phone infront of him and go threw it...this way your not being sneaky at all..see how he likes that. If he freaks..you know...

Am going to try and say this in the nicest possible way...Having been as you say 'cheated on several times, abused physically and emotionally'... This kind of abuse will obviously have done major damage to your self esteem and confidence...This is what makes you vulnerable to others who have poor images of themselves...You and only you can stop the cycle...Once you start believing in yourself again...you won't find yourself in any of these destructive relationships...It is not an easy road (perhaps counselling), but when you realise you don't have to have men in your life to 'complete' you...things will begin to change in leaps and bounds...

No, you're not wrong for going through his phone.

But you are wrong for staying with him. This type of behavior isn't going to change. You attracted the same type of man. Dump his ass and move on.

You say you have been 'talking' to a man for about 5 months. Are you dating him and is it exclusive? Does he know it's only him that you are seeing and that you expect the same?

That point is unclear to me.

The phone snooping? Alright...I am dating someone for a few months now. Seems I can relate. Even tho I have nothing to hide and am dating him exclusively and likewise from him, I have to honestly say this...I would NOT want him to be on my phone. Nope, there is nothing there to hide. Nothing. I just wouldn't like it. I wouldn't want someone to randomly pick up my phone to double check my story.

If a question of my loyalty came up? Maybe I would hand him my phone and tell him to check it, but for him to just check mine out? At will? Any time? Hmmmmm, don't think so. But there is nothing going on in this relationship that makes me double check anything he says.

No, I don't check his phone or email.

Just my two cents...L~

Hi Meg,

Let me say first up, i am sorry you are in pain.

Having said that, i don't think you have the moral right to go through his phone, but that is just my opinion.

You say it would be OK for hi to go through Yours. Really?

Would it also be OK for him to read you snail mail and emails? or to read your diary?

these things are very personal and private. it is not like you are married to the boy. You are only "talking" to him.

If you can't trust him now - i don't think you ever will. Take care of yourself, try to heal as best you can and find somebody who you can trust.

Love


Mick

Dear Meg!

It is very understandable that you can not trust him, given that he has already been unfaithful. However when it comes to checking his phone I think that that is private. I never had anything to keep from my wife on my phone, but previously in my life my sister has had problems and we have been text messaging about them. Those messages was in no way relation to me or my wife but I would not have wanted my wife to read them out of respect for my sister, since they where personal to her.

Secondly, my wife checked through my phone. I did not care since I had nothing to hide (as I said my sisters private messages where before I got married), but it upset her very much to find a woman there that she did not know about and it caused her much anxiety (and me being yelled at) until I could explain that it was the number to one of her older relatives and I had just misspelled the name.

In any case I think that a cell phone is private for reasons that I tried to explain in the first paragraph and trust is what is needed in a relationship for reasons that I tried to explain in the second paragraph. My wife has an affair now and I hate it, but if I ever meet someone else I will have to trust that new person otherwise she will hate me.

Good luck with this man, or even better leave him and good luck with the next man you meet.

I understand what you guys are saying. But when he cheated I was done with him.....but he kept apologizing and i ended up going back. So i think me feeling like i need to go through his phone at times is the consequences he has to pay for cheating, until i feel i can trust him again. I dont like to be lied to...and just asking him if he is messing around is not going to give me the truthful answer....ppl always lie, so i feel like the only real way to find out would be to go through his phone. I understand if he doesnt want me to go through his phone but he gets extremely mad and wont talk to me for days. And i just think considering what he did he should y i would do it if he really wanted to be with me.

Go through his phone again and tell him about it. When he doesn't talk to you for days you do the same FOREVER.

Don't go down the same path!

thanks for all your responses. This may not matter.....but i dont read all of his messages..... messages from his family members or friends i dont read, but ones that i dont know or am suspiscious about i read them. I just feel like I deserve to kno the truth and not get played when i am being faithful. I dont mean it to affend him or anyone else.....just want to be aware of whats going on and not get my heart broken.

Hi Meg,

My friend, i think you are breaking your own heart by staying with him. if you feel the need to check up, ask your self this. "Is he really woth the pain?"

You are only 19, go find someone decent to love. He has allready betrayed you once and the commen experience here seems to be that if they do it to you once they will do it again. so why bother with him?

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to matters of the heart. Be kind to yourself, find a boy, you can love and trust completly and give your all to him.

The relationship you are currently in is fraught with danger for you and I can see it ending in no other way than with even more pain.


love to you girl,

mick

You are definitely not wrong. I completely understand what you are going through- i am currently in an almost year long relationship and my boyfriend has cheated on me several times. I dont know how your man cheated on you, but, I think my boyfriends biggest problem is he doesnt see what he does as cheating, he "only does it online, the phone, etc. he would never meet up with these girls." But, I consider cheating to be anything you would not do with your signifigant other right next to you- now I do check his phone, and he got smart, he erased messages. And when I started checking his computer, he created e-mail accounts i didnt know about, and joined websites I never heard of. So, check his phone, as I do, but remember if he wants to cheat, he is going to, trust me- its a bad situation to be in, and its confusing!

Meg,

I hate to burst your bubble here and I am not meaning to be harsh, but you said "You don't want to get played".

You've already been played.

Stopping here again.

I think I understand where you are in all of this. Just have to agree with Mick. Right now, you have the opportunity to ask yourself if all this snooping is the kind of relationship that you want to be in. He has already cheated on you. Sometimes the damage is too much to get past.

You are young. There are men out there that won't do this and won't make you feel like you have to keep rechecking and rechecking their loyalty. If you can't get past this with him? Tell him. Let him go. More importantly...let yourself go.

That may be your answer...but only you know.

L~

Nothing to hide...no reason for him to get mad. My STBX got so pissed when I checked hers but the only reason I ever did was because I suspected something was going on and when I did, I was right.

Cheated on you in the first 5 months...not a good sign. As someone who has been through it before, do you really think he;s going to change?