I am so sorry this is happening to you. What are you leaving exactly?
The fact that the house is sold and you are going to live with your mother doesn't mean you are leaving.

I think you do need to see a lawyer right away. You have the proceeds of the house sale to worry about, child support, alimony, etc.

He cheated because he wanted to and that skank was letting him know she is available. I think you are making a wise decision. You are so young and have the rest of your life ahead of you.

Did he tell you why he decided to confess? Most do not. They usually deny everything. It's rather unusual that he could come clean out of the blue.

We have to be out of our house by June 29. I asked that he find an apartment. I'm going to live with my mom. We're not talking about divorce right now, I just need some time and space.
He must've felt bad enough that he had to get it off his chest. He also did it right before we would've purchased a new home. Now he's saying we need to communicate with each other. Great timing!

Communicate? This is what therapists usually throw out.
Feel free to communicate that he broke your heart, destroyed the trust you once had in him.

I would suggest you go to the chumplady.com and just read. It will help you understand the cheating brain.

I think it makes a big difference as to who the OW is. Is this an intense relationship or something else? I think you need to know for your peace of mind.

See a lawyer and get yourself a post nup.

With all due respect StormPetral, she was asking for assistance regarding the house, and protecting the proceeds, and not getting burned by moving out too early to get away. I think you're adding elements that are important, and possible, but not necessarily a factor right this moment. The easy solution when things like this get exposed is to just say "divorce his/her cheating ass!". But emotions are wild and nothing's clear. Usually the advice given to hurting, betrayed spouses at a time like this is to not make any radical or drastic decisions for several months. And that advice usually comes from seasoned members who have gone through this themselves. However, I think it's fortuitous that this came out before the new house was actually purchased. I DO think a separation in this case is definitely needed in this situation, especially considering the resolve and devastation Mastman13 has right now.

I'm not sure what state you live in, but do be careful about trusting your CS with finances. Obviously people do stupid stuff by cheating; they can continue the idiocy by being a tool in the aftermath. A true remorseful spouse would walk out homeless to make amends, or lessen the horrible impact the BS feels. But that doesn't always happen. So you have to hide smart. Very smart.

I think you should stay in the house until it's moving time. He should be required to move out now, even if it's in a temp setup. Because, nothing is certain. June 29 can come and something can come up. Believe me, I know. So he needs to be put first.

I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for your daughter.

Getting legal advice from an attorney does Not mean you're getting divorced. Hindsight is 20/20 - and I wish I had known my rights and had advice for the state I lived in far before any decision was made...it may have even saved the marriage.

I was told by lawyers that I could not kick my cheating husband out of his own house. So while you can ask your husband to leave, he doesn't have to. I was also told by lawyers not to be the one to leave the marital home. I think though that given your circumstances of the house sale, you could go to your mother's without there being any bad repercussions for you. But I would check with a lawyer because each state is different.

I am sure you feel you need space. Sometimes it helps enormously for the CS to feel the loss of their spouse and children.

In my case I asked my H to leave once I confronted him with finding out his A had been going on for much, much longer than he admitted.
It was then that he got violent, I called the police, and they told him to leave. It was that separation that made him see it was me he wanted and not the OW.

I question why hubby decided to come clean. I think it's hurtful. If the A is over, the spouse does not know - what's the point? Even Dr. Laura says end the A and keep your mouth shut.

This is before the purchase of a new house? If all is well, the A is over, why not go ahead and make the purchase?

Sounds a little to me like this is a set up. Cheaters do this all the time.
They have a goal, they anticipate how the BS will behave, and they set the wheels in motion. So now it's the BS who is reeling with pain, is upset, hurt, worried and has to make some big decisions. Advantage goes to the cheater and their agenda.

If all betrayed spouses saw a lawyer, learned their rights, made a plan it would help them. If the cheaters are sincere about reconciliation then signing a post nup should be no problem.

I think there is more to this story. This guy confesses and still makes an excuse for his cheating? Was there an apology? Is there ever a good excuse for cheating? Of course not. Remorse = apology not
excuses.

Maybe this is all part of the cheating husband's financial plan. My H was doing some things that made me very wary. A lawyer I consulted said he'd seen it before and it was part of an exit plan. Forearmed with that knowledge gave me the chance to protect myself. I have protected myself financially. Thank God for lawyers!

Storm is right, an exit affair.. Getting affairs in orders to walk away debt free.. That is a slick plan... And if the $ from the sale is in a joint account she could kiss it goodby-- technically

I'm so sorry.

I too recently found out about my wife's affair recently (2 months ago) with my son's 2nd grade teacher.

You don't need to describe the pain. It's unfathomable by anyone else but those of us who've gone through it.

My suggestion is to speak with an attorney to fully understand your rights. Regardless of what you decide, you'll feel better about your decision being informed.

I wish you the best of luck.

I just want to let you know that I understand what you're going through...the betrayal is so deep and so painful that it's hard to even breathe. I feel your pain! The advice to consult a lawyer seems excellent to me, you need to protect yourself! It does seem very curious that your husband confessed at this time. Was there an apology? Please know that I genuinely care, and will send up prayers on your behalf!

Thank you all for your advice and concern. It's unfortunate we all are in the same boat and know the feelings. My assumption is that he confessed to his infidelity because he was nervous about buying a house together; thank God we didn't. We agreed to split whatever we make on this house.
I spoke with a divorce attorney and she said that because our house sold it doesn't make a difference who leaves the house first. He is planning on moving into an apartment because I asked him to.
He is somewhat apologetic; I don't feel like it's that genuine. I feel like he is apologetic but pretty much says that we need to "communicate" to talk about our issues. The issues I ever had, I told him before all this went down.
I think he's a cheater who is insecure and a little baby. He's now afraid of being alone and not being with us all the time. That's probably why he is remorseful. He's desperate to get me back, but I'm not entirely sure it's because he wants to be with me.

At this point I think the best thing for you to do is to insist he go for individual therapy., You should go to a couple of sessions with his T as well so the T gets to know you and sees you for who you are.

Don't bother with marriage counseling until he's had some time to work out his issues first.

I am so glad you talked with a lawyer. You have to feel better knowing your rights.

In the meantime I suggest you do a lot of reading so you can understand how cheaters are wired. The Chump Lady has her blog and a couple of books. I think that's a good place to begin.

Of course he wants you back! These cheaters want their wives and family AND their mistresses! He has to earn his way back. And he has to give you all his passwords, let you track him on your phone, and treat you well. It's about you and the pain he has caused you, the damage he has done to the marriage. If he dares make it about himself, he feels no true remorse and you are back to where you started.

Personally I think the advice to wait around is ridiculous. If your house was on fire would you sit in it and lament what you were losing? Your house is on fire! Act accordingly.

Leaving a cheater, if that's what you want to do is not a rash decision. It's a sane one actually because most of the time they are not sorry about the hurt and disrespect they've caused you, they just care that they got caught and there might be consequences.

Focusing on the why's usually leaves the betrayed stuck. Focus on yourself and your daughter because you two are the only ones who are important now. Make sure you have a good support system and don't be afraid to tell them what's going on. I know a lot of people will advise not to tell but you need the support more than you need to keep his secret.

If he is truly sorry-and you're doubting that so probably not-then he will suck it up and deal with the fact that your family knows about this. Good luck to you. Storm's recommendation to read the chump lady is a good one.

I'm so glad that you spoke with an attorney. It's very important that you do all you can to protect yourself. It's interesting that you husband is expressing a desire to communicate. Any chance he would see a counselor? You have eight years of your life invested in this man, and a child to consider, perhaps it would be worth finding out where counselling might lead.

This is my take on it: you can lead a horse to water...

I don't think asking him to do such-and-such, or insist he go to therapy, or demand he read x, y, z, is going to have an authentic affect on the situation. You can ask, but you can't demand, it has to come from them.
Anything you insist, force, or command, won't be authentic.