So if the ow's husband ever finds out your cheating husband needs a gun for protection,,,
What bullshit---everybody has to protect your husband
You cheating piece of shit husband was only concerned with shooting his rocks off with his cheating piece if shit girlfriend
Your husband is a coward scumbag and he is using the protect bullshit to protect himself not you,
Sorry that it has to hurt, but he is just a user.

Most who suggest to tell the AP's spouse do so to help prevent the two from continuing a secret affair. The "two pairs of eyes on them is better than one" reasoning. And that's pretty sound.

In this case, the A is long over, and I assume you're pretty sure they are not in contact. If so, I would certainly be concerned about stirring things up again. No sense in providing an excuse to break no contact or to bring you, him, and your family back onto her radar.

Revenge, though tempting, is usually not a good reason to seek this out. She very well might retaliate by seeking your H out again. Not worth the drama and potential consequences.

If he was still in contact with her, that would be a different matter. Then I'd say tell.

I got a version of the same story from my CS " the guy is armed to the teeth". I wish I had told the poor guy, instead I told OW (via e-mail) to tell him or I would. It took a while to motivate her and she got to look a lot more honorable than she is by telling him. He never contacted my H except to show up at a gathering where he knew he would get a look at him. Betrayed spouses usually want to see the AP.

I'm wondering this myself to a certain degree--how long ago is the cutoff line? I'm thinking if it ended over a year and a half ago, leave it. Less than that, I personally am of the opinion that this person is a victim, and should have the right to choose how they want their future to look like.

For us, because my CH found his APs on AM, that tells me they're hunting a lot--isn't it fair for their spouses to be aware to be safe from potential STD's?

I know my POV isn't popular. But I'm often for the underdog.

Having said that, I don't believe in revenge reveals. I want nothing to do with OW's, nothing to say to them, nothing to hear from them, because it's my husband who's responsible for the acting out--not them.

If you are absolutely positive that the A is over, then you should just move on best you can. If you do tell the OW's H, the law of unintended consequences could come into play.

I also agree that the gun thing is total nonsense!

I did tell the OW's H in person. He was so grateful. My only regret is that I didn't do it immediately. I thought he might try to expose their affair so the two cheaters would be embarrassed by their own actions. Or maybe he'd come over and punch my H's lights out.
(I would have loved that) But the guy didn't do any of that.

I have no idea what went on between the two of them. But they are still married. And we are, too.

I think that the other spouse has every right to know. And it was so gratifying for me to tell.

I think you've waited too long at this point. I'd be careful; telling could stir things up.

Is her husband learning about it going to make you feel any better? Whatever you are going through is more your husband's fault than it is hers - He would give in b/c of her aggresive ways? - Ok.

You are saying you feel the husband has the right to now - you are truly concerned with his rights?

My suggestion - focus on your grief - I know you are hurting - spreading the grief amoung people won't make your load lighter. I gather that 3 years later you are learning about this b/c your husband confesed? - I am so sorry for your pain, but unfortunately you are the wounded person here - your husband is the perpetrator - NO - I am not defending the OW - but she didn't force your husband to disrespect his marriage.

Good luck.

The oM's wife is the first person I texted immediately upon finding out. She threatened to call the cops on me because her husband and my wife had made me out to be crazy. Once I proved it to her , her whole story changed and she not only found out from me her husband was a cheater but also a child molestor. I had to do it

In your case the aggressive woman story Is one we hear on here from time to time about these women that attack innocent men with their vaginas .. Sounds crazy doesn't it ?? Because it's just a bullshit story to make you feel better ...

There is a certain type of female who does target married men. She wants someone who is committed to another; someone to break his vows for her and risk his family . Frank Pittman called this type, the Spider Woman :"Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy". They do exist, and they are relatively common( pardon the pun). This type often goes after a man who talks lovingly about his wife. The fact that he is taken makes him very desirable to her. She is just as much at fault for the A as is the stupid man who takes her up on her kind offers. She is not a myth. I have never had a relationship that has not gotten the interest of such a person. My H's A was the first time I ever lost out to one, but I didn't know about this one so I couldn't protect myself and my marriage from her.

The gun issue is a totally separate one, but I think it's embroiled in fear and control on your husband's part. If he gets a gun, you should take lessons, though. Do you have kids in the house? In that case, it should be a NO DEAL.

As for telling, if they had sex, it could be a health reason to tell.

How about the shoe on the other foot... would YOU want to know if something was over three years ago?

I think I'd want to know I was living with a liar and cheat.

my personal opinion is that the AP's husband has a right to know. period. for moral reasons, for health reasons, for the safety of your marriage, all of the above. regardless if there is an extra added bonus for you, in that you don't want the AP to "get away with it." the H has a right to know, and you have a right to that form of closure. why does she deserve the benefit of you keeping secrets for her??? yeah maybe their affair is over for good, maybe she will try to come back. who knows. but it leaves that door unlocked if she ever does want to come back around. you said your H "would give into her aggressive ways" in the past. so what's to stop her from trying to manipulate him in the future? her H has no idea, so she feels free to do as she pleases, and it involves your H so it is your business. she stepped into YOUR life, you didn't invite her...

my stbx cheated w 2 women that i know of (maybe more). One started dating another guy, who is an acquaintance of mine, about 1.5 months after she slept w my H. the current boyfriend told her, "hey that guy is married to a friend of mine," and both the boyfriend and my stbhx's AP promised to tell me if he ever contacted her again. well, sure enough, even though he and i are separated now and she is now engaged to the boyfriend, my stbxh got drunk and contacted her a few weeks ago. and the AP and her boyfriend both notified me. and i'm glad they did, b/c he still doesnt know that i know this, and he still tries all of the time to get me to give him "one more chance." i doubt i'd cave, but who knows. you aren't doing anyone any favors by keeping it secret, unless one or the other of them wants to cheat again. i think the gun thing is silly, but whatever as far as that goes, if you both feel better being properly trained and having it around, so be it.