Your hurting so much I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell you these thoughts go away but I Honestly I think they just get very few after a long time. The hurt you have will bring so much anxiety and self conscious. I never felt good enough again ever. I hope he means what he says and you are ok! (Hugs)

You’ve been knocked for a loop by the knowledge of being betrayed ,
You owe your husband nothing ,
It was “nice” that he noticed and asked
He should have left it at that
Him asking again sounds like hi is trying to manipulate your tears away
If so , he doesn’t have any remorse
Your tears over his actions make him uncomfortable

I think refurbish is right. I’ve been struggling with a similar thing since Nov because of my partner. It still gets me everyday and I feel worthless and not good enough. But don’t let how he’s made you feel take over.
In my relationship things are similar and I feel as though I can’t bring stuff upweve spoke about before because he gets defensive and then we kick off again
But you need to talk if it affects you like it is. If he dismisses you me feelings or shits you down then that isn’t good or right of him, you’re allowed to feel however you want. Be strong and do everything you need to do to feel better again

Here's the thing that is so hard to understand: these people lack true empathy. They don't have feelings that are like most of us. Refurb is right, your H's reaction is discomfort not caring or concern. Unless they do a ton of work in individual therapy, look deeply at the ugly stuff that is hiding under the rock that is their lives, and authentically want to change...our feelings are just a form of entertainment, control, or ego kibbles for them. In a way, they are pod people until they decide they need to change their lives. Expecting him to listen and truly understand how you feel and take responsibility for causing you to feel this way is totally unrealistic at this stage of the game. Protect your heart.

I am going to give you a different perspective.

I would spontaneously burst out crying, too. I even cried in my sleep.

When my H would ask why I was crying, I would tell him. Not a big long rant, but a succinct few sentences. I told he made me feel insignificant and replaceable and he broke my heart. And then I would be quiet and just look at him.

Your H needs to see the pain he has caused you. What you are doing is hurting yourself on top of his hurting you. Open up and dump your pain on him! He caused it.

If he does nothing to soothe you, then you need to think about leaving.

I agree with Storm Petrel where you should be open to tell him why. He does need to see the pain he caused you. Maybe he will find a reason to change in all this.

At the same time you might not get the response you want from him. If he is approaching high levels of narcissism or sociopathy then he probably wouldn't feel bad at all.

He may not have any empathy or so little it would affect him as much as stepping on an ant or breaking a mug.

Infidelity is tough to overcome and takes time and work to heal and revive trust and a healthy relationship. It takes two to make it work and one to ruin a relationship. You are only in control of you and your heart and actions. He has to be willing to talk, (as do you) and change and be there for you in your insecurity that he caused. Counseling is wise and if you can't afford it many churches offer it free. Tough conversations are needed and sweeping it under the rug doesn't help, but discernment as to when the convo happens and how to speak is needed. Pray for wisdom and follow the guidance given. Hoping you find peace and restitution. <3