You confronted your wife's AP and they are still screwing around?
I assume you've confronted her, too, right?

Outing him won't do much. Better to kick her out. That's what I would advise. She clearly has no respect for you, your marriage, your feelings.

Is the boss married? If so, tell his wife.

Sounds like the A is the most important thing to the two of them; that leaves you no where to go.

I'm so sorry.

Because your wife is lying and untrustworthy as you say, it sounds to me like the best thing you can do is get out of the marriage then let them cause their own train wreck. It takes two to restore a marriage, and there are not two people working on this.

The sooner you get out, the sooner you will heal and can go on with your life.

Your query is a common thread on this site. Hunt around a little here and I'm sure you'll come up with a zillion perspectives.

Now, what do you mean by "expose"? Because it seems you may be referring to something other than telling the boss's wife? What do you have in mind?

First thing that came to my mind was to agree wholeheartedly that reconciliation is not possible while she is actively involved in an affair. Sleeping with someone else is a blatant disregard for the marriage and the covenant she entered into. We must also acknowledge that ending the affair is no guarantee that she wants to reconcile either. A marriage is a relationship and it requires two willing participants.

Dealing with the issue of exposure, however, is not clear-cut. At the core level of my being, I do believe that every infidelity should be exposed - because it's the only way for healing to come. At the same time, I don't believe that it is necessarily the place of the offended spouse to do the exposing. Mostly because motive and intent are big factors on what happens after the exposure takes place. Have you contacted a counselor yet? Do you have a Pastor with whom you can talk? Have you dealt with the motive in your own heart? I am all for anything that is done with the purpose of protecting marriage, but this doesn't necessarily mean that anything goes in that process. If you would like to speak with a faith-based counselor by phone for free I have information I can share. In the mean-time, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

GoBlueInCo

You already confronted him. I am sure you have proof about the continuing affair. I would expose them both. Send her family and his family the proof you have... As long as it is the kind of proof that would stand up in court. Pictures texts ect... Okay maybe not unedited pictures. There are some states that u can use legal action against the AP to stay the hell away from your wife. Dr Harley talked about it on his radio program. There aren't many states that do it, but it get the CS & AP's attention that's for sure
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http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/12/08/cheating.spouses.lawsuits/

Thanks everyone for your advice. GoBlueInCo, I would definitely appreciate the information you mentioned on the faith-based counselors, and thank you for your prayers, I really appreciate them.

It has been the roughest year of my life. I am a Christian and I take the Bible's command to husbands in Ephesians 5 seriously and, just as I don't deserve God's love yet He continues to show me sacrificial love, so to am I supposed to love my wife as Christ loved the church. It has been the struggle of my life, but it has also been incredibly rewarding in my relationship with God, even while it is a constant source of soul-crushing heartache in my relationship with my wife. I have come to the sad conclusion that she almost certainly does not truly know the Lord, since throughout both the New and Old Testament the key distinction given for true disciples is, 'if you love Me, you will obey my commands". And in almost every instance where there is a clear "DON'T do this" in Scripture, my wife consistently and deliberately does it; and, conversely, when there is a clear "DO do this" in Scripture, my wife consistently and deliberately doesn't do it. So I am trying my best to reflect Christ's love towards her (albeit imperfectly) and pray that God will do whatever is necessary to bring her to know Him. I have definitely deepened my understanding of and ability to love unconditionally, which is particularly tough when your wife is not only unrepentant but continues to deliberately lie to you and actively undermine any effort to rebuild trust and restore the marriage. However, if I am to truly love my wife as Christ loves us, my love for my wife is not dependent on what type of woman she is, but rather on what type of man I am and the God that I serve.

I agree with you on the Biblical principles of marriage. I hope that somehow you can salvage your marriage. I believe that it says somewhere in the Bible that if someone is doing wrong, you should go to them and talk to them about it. Perhaps following this would mean talking to the AP of your wife, since you obviously have already talked to her...

I wish you the best. Nice to see someone on here who is living by the Bible's principles. :-)