I think you have every right to sit down and talk. He owes you answers to your questions, at the very least. When he says to not make it harder than it has to be...he's talking about for him, not you. He doesn't want to talk to you about it. He would rather just go on and try to forget what he's done. He doesn't want to feel worse than he already does.

If he said that he loves you, then he loves you. I really don't know why he's made the decision he's made. Maybe it's more of the fact that he hurt you and he can't deal with that, so it's easier to be with the woman he cheated with. He's taken your best friend as well as your marriage.

So, I do think he needs to grow a pair and face you so you can ask your questions. You are not likely to get closure for a while. It takes a lot of time. But, at least you can ask what you need to ask and get it off of your chest. I don't particularly think he has a right to distance and to make you wait until he's ready to talk. But, he may choose to not talk to you about it until he is ready. You will not make a fool out of yourself. You are not a fool. This is not your fault. He chose to do this. Your so-called friend chose to do this. All of us needed questions answered. All of us had to have the sit-down talk. So, it is normal and it is needed.

I know how painful it is! Go get one of the affair books ("After the Affair" or "Not Just Friends") and read it. I cried my way through the first few chapters of the first book.

Then decide what to do.

All I can tell you is look at this actions. His words mean nothing at this point. He says he loves you, yet goes to spend the night with her. Not a very loving act. You've got a long road ahead because your husband is more invested in the OW than he admits. There will be a lot of him trying to go back and forth between you and the OW because he doesn't want to make up his mind. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Any answers he gives you while he is still involved with her will probably be lies intended to protect her and that relationship. Yes, you need to have a talk about what happened but first, he needs to make a decision. If he chooses you, THE OW MUST GO.

I agree with Gordon. Start reading some books to help you figure out how to handle this because he may never come around. I also suggest Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Surviving Infidelity by Rona Subotnik is another good place to start.

It's probably going to be difficult to get straight answers out of him right now. He may only tell you the bare minimum to pacify you. He has to be ready to come clean and tell all.
I wouldn't call him, I would wait to hear from him.
It's terrible that he cheated, but especially with your best friend. That's a slap in the face!
You deserve better, and don't think for a minute that this is your fault.
Be strong, and take it one day at a time. Find someone to talk to...your Pastor, a counselor, a person who you can open up to and express your feelings.
Good luck, and God bless!

of course he owes you an explanation,but if he won't give it to you then let him give it to the courts. Get pictures and all the proof you need. You need to take him to court. File for a divorce. Don't let this joker walk all over you. You're his wife and he owes you an explanation. I would certainly try to get pictures of the two of them together. Your best friend yet! He's a loser. Some people have absolutely no scrooples. You take him to court and make him deal with his responsibilities like an adult male.

My husband was with my best friend, still is I suppose. He told me it is none of my business what he did with her. An affair is horrible. But to do it with your best friend....it is the worst thing in my book that either of them could do to you. I had an affair with my best friend, while he was having one with her also. He wanted me to sleep with her. I lost two relationhips at once. Even though I cheated also. It could have been anyone other than her..and she could have picked anyone other than him. I would let him come to you. I mean really, do you think he will be honest with you? Do you think she will be? They both lied to you over and over. I wish you strength with this. It is hard to deal with.

I think you have every right to ask him questions and get answers! My H says that he loves me and wants to stay with me but needs to see her too. He has answered some of my questions but not all. Some questions I am not ready to ask. But you can't deal with the situation if you don't know anything about it. He doesn't want to deal with what he has done. Ask for a talk, he owes it to you. It will hurt, but you need to know.

I meant to add stay strong. I am not a religious person but I have learned to pray for the strenght to get thru this. It helps. You can't control what he does, only what you do.