I had 3 relationships when my partners cheated. One was 11 years, second 6 years and the last 2.5 years.
Every one of them repeated.
However, I was a cheater when I was in my 20s, I am 43 now and have not been unfaithful for 20 years.
The only thing that changed my ways was years of hard work and desire to be the person I decided to be.
Adults typically do not change.
The chance that your partner will repeat the behavior is very, very high, in my
Opinion. The men that cheated on me ALL showed sincere remorse, went to therapy with me and swore up and down they will never ever do it again. They lied. 6 months later they were back to cheating.

I’m sorry all your partners cheated on u. I can imagine how devestated u must’ve been. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years and I was so shocked he did this to me. You’re right they’re so remorseful, he keeps telling me he still loves me, misses me, will go to therapy, etc. I guess I was just wondering if anyone had actually been with a guy who truly changed. Are you in a relationship now?

I m so sorrry he cheated on you. You can give him a chance but don’t decide that he is forgiven until at least 6 months from now.
My bf and I are just broke up in December.
I know he is not going to change. We still talk, but I have to move on.
There are very rare cases when it is a one time deal.
According to some statistics I read, if it was a one night stand, there may be a possibility, but if it was an affair - chances are high he will relapse.
As a former cheater myself, I can tell you that cheating requires premeditation, planning, lots of lying , justifying your actions in your own mind. It is a personality flaw.
I still find myself thinking about cheating sometimes, when my relationship is bad.. and that’s after WORK on myself to be straight and faithful.
Most people don’t work on themselves this hard.
When I cheated , I ended both relationships and didn’t string my partners along with promises of good behavior.
I didn’t want to keep wounding someone by my presence.

Six years ago, my wife had a full-blown affair for approximately six months. I caught her, she left me, and we began planning for a divorce. And then she woke up, and wanted to come home.

With a lot of hard work - from both of us - we were able to reconcile, and put our marriage back together. To the very best of my knowledge, she has not cheated since.

Still, the fact is that neither me or you can know with any certainty that our mate will not cheat again. There are no guaranties in life. Future events may not be consistent with past events. At best, we are all just rolling dice.

I'm okay with that. I have accepted the things that have happened, and I refuse to live my life worrying about things I can't control.

Thank u for all your advice. I had a talk with my ex because I wanted to hear every detail about the affair. When, where, how long it had been going on. I thought it would help with closure. I can’t stop replaying the images of them together and it’s pure torture. It is so painful but I finally decided not to take him back. There’s no way I can ever trust him again. If anyone knows how to move on please let me know because I can’t stop thinking about him and spend all my time either going to work or sleeping.....

I’m so sorry that you are suffering. I don’t know how to move on really. I found out this last time about infidelity in April, we made it to December. He broke up with me actually... and I still can’t move on. When you are with someone for such a long time every single thing reminds you of what was and what you thought it was and what you thought it would have been.
I go to therapy, but it is temporary bandaid.
I probably won’t move on until I meet someone else, but it is a long time from now .

I was with my boyfriend for 8 years and just broke up with him 3 weeks ago so it’s still very fresh. I feel the same as u, that I don’t think I’ll be able to go on until I find someone else. I know I have to “grieve” at least for a couple of months but I’m not good at being alone. I love romance and just being in a relationship with someone.

I literally moved four hundred miles away to get away from my cheating-hearted boyfriend. He cheated on me with every woman we knew...yet, I found him so interesting and we laughed. But, the cheating was killing me. And taking all of my time, I was always investigating. Jealous. It feels ugly to be jealous, which is the biggest push to leave a relationship. Who wants to be in a relationship where you constantly feel jealous of other people? Not me.

Sorry u had to move so far away sunnybrunnette. Why r guys such a holes? I hate my ex and miss him at the same time right now. I’m just trying to take one day at a time. So depressed. Spent the whole weekend watching Netflix and LMN Movies. And I actually did my laundry Saturday night. How pitiful is that?

Honestly, am not sure how people handle break-ups without moving. Continuing being in the same circle is too hard. I can't even handle being in the same outer-circle. I suggest stay off social media and let your social group know to text you. Cut off all reminders of his existence.
But, if you know of a better way of uncoupling from a person you're still attracted to...please share.

I believe it depends on why your SO cheated. In my situation we were apart because of deployment and my husband felt neglected. Not that the cheating he did was justified, but I was not a great spouse while he was gone because I felt a lot of resentment and we both did not know how to communicate to each other. I truly believe that what he did was because of the situation we were both put in. My husband is an amazing man and it has nearly been nine years since it has happened and I hate saying this, but the cheating brought us closer together and we learned how to communicate properly and now as a parent to a child we are an amazing team together. It was depends on the situation. After the cheating and getting back from deployment I went through a very rough two years fixing our marriage and I still to this day have times of shooting anger and sadness, but in the end we love each other and are better people for it. Just trying to put a positive story to what happened to us. So yes some people do deserve it, but again it all depends on the people involved. Good luck.

I’m glad u had a good ending. U don’t hear a lot of those. I thought my ex was the perfect guy and all my friends and family loved him. He fooled everyone. He gave me a ridiculous excuse of why he did it. He said the other woman kept texting him and wouldn’t leave him alone that he felt pressured into it and did it just to get it over with. I know this woman and she’s been obsessed with my ex for years but that’s still no excuse. Plus it wasn’t like it was a one night stand, it went on for a year.

Dated my wife 4 years before getting married and she put on a good front that no one had a clue about. After getting married there were cracks in her façade but nothing that would indicating how selfish she could get.

Wife cheated for 1.5 years very early in the marriage but ended it and came clean.

I agree that adults generally do not change but a few might.

My wife came clean on her own and put in a lot of work over the last 3 years. I only gave her a chance because we have a young child but told her my expectations with no guarantees from my side.

Honestly she does everything differently. Straight away went to counseling and continues to on a monthly, bi monthly basis. Stopped using Facebook, deleted all her male contacts from phone/messaging, had GPS app installed on her phone and gave me access to all her accounts.

I can not guarantee she isn't cheating or won't in the future, but so far it seems unlikely that she is.

She even signed a post-nup that gives her no title for the house or alimony, showing that she isn't staying for money.

If this all holds up it won't change my thought that a miniscule percentage of cheaters change even to the point of being faithful forever, not to mention doing it purely for honest or true change related reasons. (etc. money, laziness, reputation)

Wow sounds like your wife put in a lot of effort to change. Did she say why she cheated? If everything is pretty much good at home, we know nothing is ever perfect, I always wonder WHY they cheat. The excuse my ex gave me is so laughable. It’s not like he’s a young immature guy, he’s a man in his fifties!

There are a lot of clues to whether or not your spouse falls within the miniscule population that will likely truly change.

Even then that doesn't mean you should take them back necessarily. You are under no compulsion or expectation to take them back for their sake. Like I said my son was a bit factor as well as my wife's commitment to change/honesty.

Initially she really couldn't understand why she did what she did. In truth I found that puzzling initially because you should know why you do things if you have thought things through.

The interesting thing is that you can't approach understanding their cheating from a perspective of someone who hasn't cheated and does not consider cheating.

Later after months of therapy she realized that her identity was false and predicated on how people saw her rather than who she really was inside. It was a matter of self esteem and character. She always muted her thoughts of self reflection because she didn't like herself. She lived a duplicitous life where she acted one way but thought another...and to her this was normal.

The problem was that living this way her whole life means she never really worked on who she really was inside or built up her character. Instead she just put up a façade and acted the way she wanted people to see her.

Trials in life do not necessarily build character as it depends on how you react to suffering. In the case of people who have not developed a level of character and self awareness they usually cope in a very unhealthy way. (drugs, addiction, affairs and other self destructive coping mechanisms)

The common thread to all cheaters is that they are not content in life and cope with self destructive means.

You can say that they are selfish, childish, liars, or of poor character and you would be right to one degree or another, however it doesn't get to the root of the issue.

Being married is a calling that most people are not capable of handling successfully, but the majority of people do get married.

The rationale that their spouse or a bad marriage caused them to cheat is illogical. Most of those who cheat don't realize that the person they are cheating with is also someone who does not hold vows, respect their partners or believe in fidelity. So they blame their spouse of not being good enough for them and find someone of worse moral standing.

If you have been on the cheater forum most will allude to being more miserable than even before, which confirms that the lack of contentment is an internal issue rather than an external issues.

Some cheating spouse will even praise how great their spouse is but at the same time cheat and say they just weren't "in love" or happy anymore.